IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#aim #science #people’s #lives
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Science
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 is related to every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
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 and
considered
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is considered
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 to be the main factor
of
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in
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 people’s
lives
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. The most critical purpose of
science
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 is supposed to boost
human’s
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human
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lives
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up
Rephrase
apply
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. For
this
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 essay, I will be writing to share
my
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the
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 two
following
Correct word choice
apply
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reasons why I agree with
this
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 speech. First and foremost, in
this
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 new generation, we mostly rely on
technologies
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technology
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 a lot in order to have better well-being and be facilitated
from
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by
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 current innovations. These ones can make our
lives
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 more convenient and lead
this
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world
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 into the high-end era, which changes our stage forever.
For instance
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, as
everyone
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every one
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 must see and use as the fifth requisite,
that is
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 our more updated mobile phone, currently designed to communicate easier and we can do almost everything in only one mobile phone. Another reason, medicines can affect our people’s
lives
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in
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apply
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a health condition. In
chemistry
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the chemistry
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 field, we need to enhance medicines so as to cure and diagnose the symptoms better.
Besides
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, new medicines are one of
most
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the most
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 crucial tools for
doctor
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doctors
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 to determine diseases, never found before. To illustrate
this
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, in
covid 19
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the COVID-19
 pandemic a few years ago, scientists needed to invent
new
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a new
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 vaccine to protect people all over the
world
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 because it was a new thing for all of us.
Therefore
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,
this
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 so clear that
science
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 can assist and save people’s
lives
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. In conclusion, I am absolutely convinced that new
invention
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inventions
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 can upgrade everyone in
this
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world
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from
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for
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 the reasons above.
In addition
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,
science
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 not only improves but
also
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 transforms our
world
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 into
the
Correct article usage
a
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 higher step.
Moreover
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, it cannot be denied that we all need new
improvement
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improvements
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from
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in
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 almost every field of
sciences
Fix the agreement mistake
science
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.
Submitted by Cheetah on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Although the essay includes an introduction and conclusion, the argument could be more explicitly defined in the introduction to guide the reader through the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each main point is clearly supported with examples and relevant explanations. Strengthening the explanations linking the examples to the main point would enhance the clarity of your argument.
Task Response
Aim to fully develop each point to showcase a comprehensive understanding of the topic. Consider expanding on how science can evolve other areas of life such as environmental challenges or education.
Task Response
While the examples relating to mobile phones and the COVID-19 pandemic are relevant, ensure that they are directly tied back to how they specifically improve lives, not only their functional developments.
Task Response
The mobile phone example in the first body paragraph is a solid illustration of how technology has evolved to improve convenience in daily life, which is central to the argument about the impact of science.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has an engaging introduction and a clear conclusion, which summarizes your views effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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