IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. do you agree with it?

#week #workers #weekend
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It is widely considered that society should decrease working days in a week and employees should take extended weekends. I
strognly
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strongly
 agree with
this
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 proposal, as its advantages offer healthier mental
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condition
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conditions
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 and greater quality of life.
To begin
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 with, one compelling argument supporting my stance is that society has become
a
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apply
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highly competitive in
workplace
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the workplace
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 since companies have been more inclined to pursue immediate tangible
result
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results
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 that put excessive pressure on employees.
In addition
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, the introduction of artificial intelligence has become even more competitive as their competencies
have
Verb problem
are
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 capable of taking over straightforward jobs.
As a result
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,
such
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 environments lead some people to suffer from mental illness,
such
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 as depression.
Hence
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, reducing job responsibilities can serve as
refreshment
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a refreshment
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, which helps
stay
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maintain
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healthy
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a healthy
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 mental
condition
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.
Moreover
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, the
transform
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transformation
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 of working
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condition
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conditions
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 may encourage individuals to spark their interests in new fields. To illustrate, unless having adequate time, people would find it challenging to relax and gain an opportunity to take pleasure in a new activity, which can be involved in a new career in the future.
For instance
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, in Japan, it has been reported that some individuals who experienced depression have tended to relocate after recovering
it
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apply
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and launched new businesses in
the
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apply
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rural areas.
This
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 is because relaxation allows people to gain a wider insight
in
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into
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 society.
Therefore
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, extended free time can contribute significantly to enhancing quality of life. In conclusion, from the viewpoint of the benefits,as healthier mental
condition
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 and greater quality of life. I firmly agree with
this
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 proposal.
Submitted by kurosaku5857 on

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language usage
Ensure consistent verb forms and agreement. For instance, 'society has become a highly competitive' should be 'highly competitive society.'
coherence cohesion
Try to create a smoother flow between ideas within paragraphs to enhance coherence.
introduction
The introduction clearly states your position on the topic, which helps set the stage for a comprehensive argument.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reaffirms your stance on the issue.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support the argument, which strengthens the response to the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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