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Band 6.5

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (20 mins.)

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (20 mins.)
The two bar graphs show sources about
computer
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
 between 2002 and 2010, both
overall
Linking Words
 and by
education
Use synonyms
 level.
Overall
Linking Words
,
computer
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
 increased steadily over the eight-year period. In 2002, around 55% of the population owned computers.
This
Linking Words
 figure rose gradually,
during
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in 2010 climbed
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 75% When considering
education
Use synonyms
 levels represented that higher
education
Use synonyms
 corresponds with higher
computer
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
. In both 2002 and 2010, individuals with postgraduate qualifications had the highest
ownership
Use synonyms
 rates, rising from about 75% to nearly 95% .Meanwhile, people with no high school diploma had the lowest population owned computers
although
Linking Words
 their
ownership
Use synonyms
 increased significantly from around 15% in 2002 to approximately 45% in 2010. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
computer
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
 increased across the population, the gap between
education
Use synonyms
 levels remained evident. The data show that
education
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 level is a strong factor influencing
computer
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ownership
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, and
although
Linking Words
 access improved for all groups but still has an Inequality

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although, overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, ownership, education with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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