Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Health is always the top concern of people, so private
hospitals
Use synonyms
are built with the purpose of wellness care.
Although
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some argue that private medical facilities are
disadvantages
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disadvantaged
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, I firmly believe that holistic care services should be operated by profit-seeking companies. On the one hand, commercial
clinics
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which are operated will bring along many drawbacks for residents. One of the
most
Correct word choice
biggest
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downsides is the price of healing
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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makes it difficult for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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low income
Add a hyphen
low-income
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people is often higher than
non-profit-making
Change preposition
in non-profit-making
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clinics
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.
Moreover
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, some
clinics
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are only interested in profits
instead
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of focusing on the
quality
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of healthcare. A telling example is profit-making companies
also
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can encourage
patients
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performing
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to perform
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some unnecessary tests to increase revenue for them without providing any real medical benefit. In short, people’s conceptions of the demerits of private
hospitals
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that
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are that
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they concentrate only on earning money.
On the other hand
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, I firmly assert that privately-run
clinics
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provide not only
high
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high-quality
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quality
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health care services but
also
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many outstanding benefits.
Clinics
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both have
well- qualified
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well-qualified
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staff and help to share some burden from public
clinics
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.
In addition
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, they include reducing waiting time, having all the necessary equipment and modern machines and helping
patients
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feel more secure and comfortable during healing time.
For example
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,
privately-run
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privately run
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hospitals
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having
Wrong verb form
have
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less
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fewer
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patients
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and modern facilities have shorter waiting
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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than
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others.
This
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helps
patients
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to be examined and treated faster. All in all, the merits of profit-making
hospitals
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are providing
patients
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with peace of mind and a sense of closeness
due to
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the dedication of doctors,
nurses
Correct word choice
and nurses
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, and the precision of modern medical equipment. In conclusion,
although
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there are some drawbacks, the benefits that private healthcare brings,
such
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as efficiency, innovation, and superior service
quality
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, are truly important in improving people's
quality
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of life
Submitted by ieltstb239bythuyanh on

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task response
While the essay is generally clear and logically organized, try to ensure every paragraph directly addresses the main prompt to improve relevance.
coherence
Sometimes, the transition between contrasting ideas isn't as smooth as it could be. Consider using linking phrases to guide the reader more effectively.
cohesion
Ensure that every main point is clearly expanded with appropriate examples or evidence to strengthen your argument.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a strong foundation to your argument.
task response
You manage to convey several key points about private healthcare benefits and downsides effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay consistently tries to balance between outlining both the advantages and disadvantages of private healthcare, which enhances analytical depth.
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