Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Health is always the top concern of people, so private
hospitals
are built with the purpose of wellness care. Use synonyms
Although
some argue that private medical facilities are Linking Words
disadvantages
, I firmly believe that holistic care services should be operated by profit-seeking companies.
On the one hand, commercial Wrong verb form
disadvantaged
clinics
which are operated will bring along many drawbacks for residents. One of the Use synonyms
most
downsides is the price of healing Correct word choice
biggest
that
makes it difficult for Correct pronoun usage
which
the
Correct article usage
apply
low income
people is often higher than Add a hyphen
low-income
non-profit-making
Change preposition
in non-profit-making
clinics
. Use synonyms
Moreover
, some Linking Words
clinics
are only interested in profits Use synonyms
instead
of focusing on the Linking Words
quality
of healthcare. A telling example is profit-making companies Use synonyms
also
can encourage Linking Words
patients
Use synonyms
performing
some unnecessary tests to increase revenue for them without providing any real medical benefit. In short, people’s conceptions of the demerits of private Change the verb form
to perform
hospitals
Use synonyms
that
they concentrate only on earning money.
Add a missing verb
are that
On the other hand
, I firmly assert that privately-run Linking Words
clinics
provide not only Use synonyms
high
Add a hyphen
high-quality
quality
health care services but Use synonyms
also
many outstanding benefits. Linking Words
Clinics
both have Use synonyms
well- qualified
staff and help to share some burden from public Correct your spelling
well-qualified
clinics
. Use synonyms
In addition
, they include reducing waiting time, having all the necessary equipment and modern machines and helping Linking Words
patients
feel more secure and comfortable during healing time. Use synonyms
For example
, Linking Words
privately-run
Correct your spelling
privately run
hospitals
Use synonyms
having
Wrong verb form
have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
patients
and modern facilities have shorter waiting Use synonyms
time
than Fix the agreement mistake
times
the
others. Correct article usage
apply
This
helps Linking Words
patients
to be examined and treated faster. All in all, the merits of profit-making Use synonyms
hospitals
are providing Use synonyms
patients
with peace of mind and a sense of closeness Use synonyms
due to
the dedication of doctors, Linking Words
nurses
, and the precision of modern medical equipment.
In conclusion, Correct word choice
and nurses
although
there are some drawbacks, the benefits that private healthcare brings, Linking Words
such
as efficiency, innovation, and superior service Linking Words
quality
, are truly important in improving people's Use synonyms
quality
of lifeUse synonyms
Submitted by ieltstb239bythuyanh on
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task response
While the essay is generally clear and logically organized, try to ensure every paragraph directly addresses the main prompt to improve relevance.
coherence
Sometimes, the transition between contrasting ideas isn't as smooth as it could be. Consider using linking phrases to guide the reader more effectively.
cohesion
Ensure that every main point is clearly expanded with appropriate examples or evidence to strengthen your argument.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a strong foundation to your argument.
task response
You manage to convey several key points about private healthcare benefits and downsides effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay consistently tries to balance between outlining both the advantages and disadvantages of private healthcare, which enhances analytical depth.