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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say History is one of most important school subjects other people think that, in today world,subject like science and technology are more important than History.Discuss both these views and give your opinion

#people #history #school #subjects #world #science #technology
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Nowadays,some individuals think that
history
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 is one of the most significant lessons in education compared to others.
However
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, in
Change noun form
others'
other's
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others
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others,
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opinion
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opinions
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science
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 and
technology
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 much more crucial than
history
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 and more beneficial for
students
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. On one hand, we can see the
affects
Replace the word
effects
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 of
history
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 in every part of life
such
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 as the city
that
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where
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 we live, in our country and even in our social environment.The main reason for
that is
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,
important
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that important
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 moments in
history
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 changed our
world
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 massively in so many parts and because of that currently in almost every school there are
history
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 lessons to teach both the
students
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own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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countries
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countries'
country's
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history
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 and the
history
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 of
whole
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the whole
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world
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 starting from
young
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a young
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 ages to express the
students
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 the idea of changing the future
world
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 with the mistakes made in the past.With
this
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 lesson schools are hoping to increase the interest
on
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in
show examples
history
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 among
students
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 and
due to
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 that they could improve their general knowledge with the
help
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 of major things
Correct pronoun usage
that happen
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happen
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happened
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 in the past.
This
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 subject can
help
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 the
students
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in particular
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 ways because if we think about a person that
have
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has
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 a high amount of
history
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 knowledge that person is probably a respectful citizen with a high level of national love which is very important for a country to develop.
On the other hand
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, we can't ignore the fact that
science
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 and
technology
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 as
much
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apply
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as important
like
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apply
show examples
history
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.We are in the 21st century and almost everything is about technological devices and scientific progress.Devices like smartphones and computers improved hugely in
this
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 small time period with the
help
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 of
technology
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.
Due to
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 that many people's lives get much easier and their quality of life increases with these items because they could easily achieve the things they want with the applications in those devices.
Furthermore
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, with
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science
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science,
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 many scientists that
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help
Wrong verb form
helped
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 people raised in our
world
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 recently with the
help
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 of
this
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 subject
teached
Correct your spelling
taught
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 in school.
Additionally
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, with the
help
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 of
science
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lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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students
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 can fix their problems easily in their future life which is a very positive thing for our society. All in all, in my view both
science
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,
technology
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 and
history
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 very crucial for the progress of our
world
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 and
instead
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 of comparing which one is more
important
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important,
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 I think we have to give the same amount of value to all of them. In
conclusion
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conclusion,
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 I think we can hopefully see
the
Correct article usage
an
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 increase in the performance of
students
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 in school.
Submitted by muratberkel on

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specific examples
Try to provide more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more compelling and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
logical structure
Refine your essay's logical structure. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next, and consider using transition words for better flow.
clear comprehensive ideas
Expand on some complex ideas to provide more clarity and depth. This will help strengthen the overall quality of your arguments.
introduction
Your introduction clearly sets up the two perspectives and establishes the topic well.
complete response
Good attempt at discussing both views of the topic, with a fair conclusion that considers both sides.
introduction conclusion
Your essay has a coherent structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial
  • comprehend
  • retrospect
  • gain insights
  • reflect on
  • sharpen
  • evaluate
  • significance
  • heritage
  • legacy
  • advent
  • breakthroughs
  • sustain
  • sustainability
  • revolutions
  • empowered
  • overcome
  • transform
  • advancements
  • collaboration
  • cooperation
  • diversity
  • fulfilling
  • promote
  • facilitate
  • prosperity
  • enhance
  • foster
  • foundation
What to do next:
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