IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #women #qualities #jobs
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There is no denying the fact that females and males have different tolerance.
While
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 it is commonly held belief that there is some jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women,there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion,I consider that
according to
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 the gender the human can select his job.
To begin
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with
Add a comma
with,
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 some careers are not good for women
according to
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her
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 skills and
her
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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abilities.
In other words
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,because her body can not tolerate heavy tasks.
In addition
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, males
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can take
this
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responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
.
For example
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, they can work in engineering or construction. Another point to consider,females always take responsibility for educating their children. or working in the education sector.
Moreover
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, men always
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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have a good bearing to work 12 hours.
For instance
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, they can work in the health ministry for 12 hours. In conclusion ,despite people having different views,I believe that some careers are fit
according to
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 human gender. So,I recommend everyone to choose their job based on their abilities. You should not take any job
is
Wrong verb form
that does
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 not fit
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your skills even
you
Correct word choice
if you
show examples
 are male.
Submitted by balawimanal on

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task achievement
Work on improving the clarity of your main points. It is important to make your argument clear from the beginning and ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main thesis.
coherence cohesion
Use more transitional phrases to help guide the reader through your argument. Words like "furthermore," "additionally," and "however" can help improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments, as this will strengthen your essay and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives your essay a good structure.
task achievement
Your essay recognises both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • inherent qualities
  • social dynamics
  • merit-based selection
  • advancements in technology
  • levelled the playing field
  • gender stereotypes
  • equal opportunities
  • physical differences
  • workplace
  • evolving
  • traditional view
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