The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
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The bar chart illustrates the share of working
male
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males
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and
female
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females
show examples
aged 60-64 in four different countries in 1970 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
man
Correct your spelling
the male
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figure
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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experienced a decline
while
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the women
show examples
women
Change noun form
women's
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number
Use synonyms
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
relatively stable throughout the period. The proportion of employed men aged 60-64 in 2000 was lower
comparing
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compared
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to the
number
Use synonyms
in 1970. Belgium and Australia
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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experienced a significant downturn, from 79% to 19% and 74% to 47% respectively. The USA had
also
Linking Words
seen a decline in proportion, but not as much as the
formers
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former
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, from 73% to 55%. Japan had
also
Linking Words
decreased but it was the least among
other
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others
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, with
the
Correct article usage
a
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figure of 84% to 76%. The percentage of working women aged 60-64 had seen a
slight
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slightly
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different trend from the men's
number
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. The USA and Australia became the countries that experienced an increase in proportion, from 36% to 38% and 18% to 19% respectively.
Conversely
Linking Words
, both Japan and Belgium numbers had reduced in
number
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, 43% to 40% and 8% to 7% each.
Submitted by rhisaaidilla on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Vocabulary: Replace the words number with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment rate
  • Percentage
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Fluctuation
  • Gender disparity
  • Trend
  • Decline
  • Improvement
  • Variation
  • Noteworthy
  • Aligned
  • Comparative analysis
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