Some people consider sports to be their career. For others, it is mostly a workout to stay fit. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is an ongoing debate on whether
sport
Use synonyms
can be considered as their career, or whether it is a
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
show examples
for fitness. In my opinion,
however
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, one aim of
sport
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can be staying fit, but people can choose it as their job to
coach
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others. On one hand, some people pursue
sports
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as their occupation for several extents.
Firstly
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,
in
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at
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the same
time
Add a comma
time,
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they enjoy both teaching and
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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doing
sports
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, a Zumba
coach
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can change the
life
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lives
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of their students by
learning
Verb problem
teaching
show examples
them beneficial movements,
while
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they do the same practices,
whereas
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teachers of theoretical subjects may not execute what they learn to their pupils.
Secondly
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, being
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a sport
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
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coach
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challenge
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challenges
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and
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
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their practical skills
such
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as
team-working
Correct your spelling
teamwork
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, resilience and creativity.
Lastly
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, individuals with
doing
Wrong verb form
do
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sports
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not only have incomes
,
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apply
show examples
but
also
Linking Words
stay fit and even become more energetic persons. It is evident that
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
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regularly
Change the word
regular
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exercise in
positive
Add an article
a positive
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environment,
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
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the mood of
exerciser
Correct article usage
the exerciser
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, as it releases
the
Correct article usage
apply
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adrenaline. On the one hand, for
others
Add a comma
others,
show examples
the
sport
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seems as a practice to stay fit. From their perspectives, there is no need
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
expertise or professional
sports
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.
For example
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, hiking, biking and running can bring fitness
for
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to
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you
while
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do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
require to
Wrong verb form
requiring
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any mentor.
In addition
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, they believe there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
other important jobs to pursue, thereby having income from
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
coaching
does
Verb problem
is
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not reasonable for them and makes no sense. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
point of view and support those who want to choose
sport
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as their career, since
sports
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can be pursued professionally, so it needs
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
expertise. In my view the major goal of
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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is improving the lifestyle of individuals,
therefore
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it needs
professions
Replace the word
professionals
show examples
to guide them through
practicing
Change the form of the verb
practice
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, doing
sports
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without
Use synonyms
coach
Add an article
a coach
show examples
can have harmful risks and
physically
Change the word
physical
show examples
problems for bodies. In conclusion, I think
sports
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can be considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an occupation,
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
because
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exercising in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
right way requires mentors or coaches.
Submitted by skharratian on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Improve logical flow between paragraphs. The transitions between discussing sports as a career and as a fitness activity are somewhat abrupt.
Task Response
Clarify main points and ensure they are fully supported with examples. Some arguments could be more explicitly linked to the topic.
Task Response
Refine sentence structure and grammar for clearer expression. Some sentences appear awkward or unclear.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction effectively presents the topic and the writer's opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good conclusion summarizing the writer's opinion on the role of sports as a career.
Task Response
Argument that sports improve lifestyle and require professional guidance is well-presented.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • lucrative career path
  • master
  • professional levels
  • global recognition
  • financial stability
  • brand endorsements
  • physical health and wellness
  • balanced lifestyle
  • reduce stress
  • foster social connections
  • recreational team sports
  • fitness pursuits
  • maintaining overall health
  • participation
  • teamwork
  • discipline
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