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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The two pie charts illustrate the results of a survey about what makes
people
Use synonyms
 most happy in different age groups.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most important factor that affects their mood is achievement of work and doing hobbies.
In addition
Linking Words
, there are some different
factors
Use synonyms
 that impact on age
group
Use synonyms
. As you can see, there are two groups of
people
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 study;
people
Use synonyms
 under 30s and over 30s. Some
factors
Use synonyms
 make
people
Use synonyms
 pleasure in both groups almost as much as different. The Population in each
group
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 under and over 30 felt happy by doing hobbies around 22
percent
Use synonyms
 and 24
percent
Use synonyms
 respectively. They almost have the same percentage just lower a quartet. Travelling and other
factors
Use synonyms
 make up almost a third of the proportion of the total population.
While
Linking Words
 the
group
Use synonyms
 over 30 tends to be with family and other
factors
Use synonyms
 make lower a quarter of the total population They are interested in their appearance 18
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the total
group
Use synonyms
. And they have almost the same percentage of each
group
Use synonyms
 that make them happy by the achievement of work over 30
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 77%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, factors, group, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey
  • age groups
  • responses
  • happiness factors
  • participants
  • contribute
  • compare
  • patterns
  • differences
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