Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a woman's role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice
In today’s society, everyone
have
Change the verb form
has
freedom
to do work Add an article
the freedom
according to
their Linking Words
wills
. Fix the agreement mistake
will
However
, there are still some people whose thinking are old fashion and who think thatLinking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
women
should be limited to taking care of the house and the children. I completely oppose Use synonyms
this
belief. I will elaborate on it and give my opinions in Linking Words
further
paragraphs.
Linking Words
To begin
, with in early times, Linking Words
Women
were forced to stay at home and take care of the young ones. They were not allowed to follow their own Use synonyms
carriers
, Correct your spelling
careers
although
Linking Words
these
type of thinking Correct determiner usage
this
have been
changed over time Wrong verb form
has
but
there are still some people with similar thoughts. I think Remove the conjunction
apply
women
should be given equal chances to work and excel in their Use synonyms
career
because there are many fields where Fix the agreement mistake
careers
women
can perform way better than men. Use synonyms
For example
, graphic designing data, science, and Linking Words
medical
sector. Correct article usage
the medical
Moreover
, there is a misconception among Linking Words
People
that ladies cannot perform work as Fix capitalization
people
neat
as required, but Change the word
neatly
this
has proved wrong. Linking Words
furthermore
, Linking Words
according to
a study conducted by the University of California Linking Words
among
students, female students received Change preposition
apply
more
grades than male learners in expressing business ideas and in business studies.
Correct word choice
higher
probingfurther
, there are many cases when females are not given equal chances as Correct your spelling
Furthermore
of
men and Change preposition
apply
due to
Linking Words
this
amazing talent Linking Words
remained
hidden. Wrong verb form
remains
for example
, Kylie Jenner believed to be the best president of the USA was stopped by her parents to participate in politics. But later she argued with her guardians Linking Words
and
Correct word choice
apply
enter
Wrong verb form
entered
the
politics and became the first president of the USA, who Correct article usage
apply
increase
the GDP of the country by 50%.
In conclusion,I think females should be allowed to choose their Wrong verb form
increased
career
and Fix the agreement mistake
careers
provided
equal Add a missing verb
be provided
opportunity
in order to unleash Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
the
hidden talent.Change the word
their
Submitted by poonam.tushir0099 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay contains a well-structured introduction and conclusion, but the main points can be more logically organized. Try using clear paragraphing and linking words to improve the flow of the essay.
Task Achievement
Your response addresses the task prompt effectively, but ideas could be expanded and clarified more. For example, explain how equal work opportunities can benefit society.
Task Achievement
Be cautious in providing examples that might not be factually accurate. Ensure examples are realistic and well-explained to support arguments effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good job on including both an introduction and a conclusion to frame your essay nicely.
Task Achievement
You've shown a clear position on the topic, advocating for equal opportunities for women in the workplace.