Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

#emphasis #education #students #government #money #time #activities #people

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While

Linking Words

Use synonyms

education

Correct article usage

the education

show examples

of juveniles is considered

most

Correct article usage

the most

show examples

important aspect of their life, there is an ongoing argument

regard

Change the form of the verb

regarding

show examples

whether public funds should be spent on

leisure

Correct article usage

the leisure

show examples

activities

Use synonyms

of teenagers or not.

However

Linking Words

, I disagree

to allocate

Change preposition

with allocating

show examples

more public money

Change preposition

show examples

free time

activities

Use synonyms

, I believe,

balanced

Correct article usage

a balanced

show examples

view with

Correct article usage

an emphasising

show examples

emphasising

Replace the word

emphasis

show examples

education

Use synonyms

will be the best way. On the one hand, for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

various reasons,

education

Use synonyms

is the most

part

Correct word choice

important part

show examples

of young people’s

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

that requires more

government’s

Change noun form

government

show examples

attention and budget.

Firstly

Linking Words

, students dedicate much time of their life to

be at

Verb problem

apply

show examples

school or doing homework,

therefore

Linking Words

needs

Correct subject-verb agreement

need

show examples

more attention.

Secondly

Linking Words

education

Use synonyms

needs specialists and experts so need more money to educate professional teachers,

establishing

Wrong verb form

establish

show examples

schools with modern technologies, and

fulfilment

Replace the word

fulfil

show examples

curriculums.

Lastly

Linking Words

education

Use synonyms

is the key to learning special subjects, getting ready for academia and

consequently

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

future career,

therefore

Linking Words

needs more government measures.

On the other hand

Linking Words

while

Linking Words

I disagree

to spent

Change preposition

with spending

show examples

more public money on

student’s

Fix the agreement mistake

students’

show examples

hobbies, I think it is better that governments invest some portion of public funds

Change preposition

show examples

young people’s leisure.

Although

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

many hobbies

such

Linking Words

as biking, swimming and doing some sports do not cost too much, establishing sufficient playgrounds,

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

clubs, library for students can be useful

Change preposition

apply

show examples

all

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

In addition

Linking Words

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

can make them free or give discounts for pupils.

This

Linking Words

can induce youngers to register

Change preposition

for

show examples

beneficial

activities

Use synonyms

while

Linking Words

spend their free time. In conclusion,

while

Linking Words

I think

education

Use synonyms

significant

Add an article

a significant

show examples

part of a society that

require

Correct subject-verb agreement

requires

show examples

more public funds to provide

fairness

Replace the word

fair and

show examples

developed

education

Use synonyms

for all students, it is

also

Linking Words

best to

spent

Change the verb

spend

show examples

some part of

Correct article usage

the governments

show examples

governments

Change noun form

government's

show examples

budget on making and improving places like

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

clubs for free

activities

Use synonyms

of young people.

Submitted by skharratian on Tue Jan 07 2025

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relevant specific examples

Try to enrich your essay with specific examples or case studies that highlight the importance of either education or leisure activities. This will make your arguments more compelling and relevant.

logical structure

Pay attention to some grammatical inaccuracies and use transitions effectively to maintain coherence between arguments.

supported main points

Ensure that each paragraph clearly links back to the main argument, justifying why education or leisure should receive more attention and resources.

complete response

The essay provides a clear opinion and balances its arguments fairly, which is a strong part of the response.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, clearly outlining your opinion and summarizing the main points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

281 words

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Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many countries people of all ages do sports and exercises a lot. Does this trend have more advantages or disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own knowledge and experience.

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advatantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

Space travel has been possible for some time and some people believe that space tourism could be developed in the future. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Agree or disagree?

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.