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Writing Samples
Band 5

there is a growing debate around the topic of participation in international sports competition. Some people believe that due to health concerns people older than 30 years should not be able to participate in Olympics, while others think that restriction is unnecessary.

#debate #topic #participation #sports #competition #people #health #concerns #years #olympics #restriction
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Some
people
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 say that there should be an
age
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limit
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 for the
Olympics
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 because it can affect an athlete’s health in a bad way. Others,
however
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, say that with technology and proper nutrition anyone is able to compete no matter how old a person is. On the one hand, many
people
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 agree that we need to set up an
age
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limit
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 f or the
Olympics
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, because after 30 our bodies would not be able to withstand heavy loads.
Therefore
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,
people
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 can get serious injuries and never return to normal life. It would be better to have an
age
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limit
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.
On the other hand
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, we live in the modern world with a lot of different technologies, which can help
people
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 achieve their dreams.
Moreover
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, if athletes eat properly and physically prepare for the
Olympics
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, they will be able to compete despite that they are over 30 years old. In conclusion, I tend to think that
people
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 after 30 years old should decide for themselves whether or not they want to participate in the
Olympics
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. Despite the argument for that
people
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 after 30 are not as resilient, there is an opinion that everyone has a right to accomplish his/her dream no matter what
age
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 that person is.
Overall
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, I would
therefore
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 argue that there should be an
age
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limit
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 for the
Olympics
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.
Submitted by khotkina.ma on

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task achievement
To enhance task response, try to further elaborate on your points with specific examples or studies that back up your claims about health and technology directly related to athletes over 30. This will help to support your argument more robustly.
coherence cohesion
Try to refine the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph fully develops and supports your central arguments. A consistent flow of ideas throughout the essay can enhance coherence.
introduction conclusion present
You provided a clear introduction that outlined both perspectives of the debate, which is effective in framing your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion encapsulates your viewpoint and summarizes the argument in a coherent manner, bringing closure to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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