IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

To learn effectively, children need to eat a healthy meal at school. How true is this statement? Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children?

#children #school #responsibility #food
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Children
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 need to maintain a healthy lifestyle through the consumption of healthy
food
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.
This
Linking Words
 diet can be served and monitored at
school
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. Nutritious
food
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 is essential to the development of
brain
Correct article usage
the brain
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 and body of
children
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.
Children
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 should learn, in
school
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, about healthy
food
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 and what happens in their bodies when they eat vegetables and fruits.
Moreover
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,
children
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 need to understand how their diet
affect
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affects
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 the development of
brain
Add an article
the brain
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as well as
Linking Words
 the immune system to reduce susceptibility to disease, and how to improve personal health. In fact, the government has the first
responsibility
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 in providing the needed funds to the
school
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. These funds will be used to purchase the required items that will be consumed by the students .
For instance
Linking Words
, the
school
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 has a
responsibility
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 towards
children
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 to ensure
children
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 are consuming healthy foods throughout the year, especially
children
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 who come from poor families.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a big part of the
responsibility
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 lies on parents
through giving
Change preposition
to give
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 them advice on healthy eating
style
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styles
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.
The parents
Correct article usage
Parents
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 should always read some simple and short stories to encourage their
children
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 to improve their dietary habits.
For example
Linking Words
, some families who give their
children
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 lunch boxes,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
need to include healthy foods to teach them healthy eating. In Conclusion, healthy
food
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 which is provided by families or the
school
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need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to be monitored because it contributes to a better development of those
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children
Change noun form
children's
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body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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 and
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
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.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that it's a shared
responsibility
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 between both the parents and schools.
Submitted by zainabras98 on

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content
To enhance clarity, consider elaborating a bit more on how schools can ensure healthy eating habits beyond providing meals—perhaps incorporating educational programs or activities.
coherence
While your ideas are logically structured, consider using more transition words to further connect your paragraphs and ideas smoothly.
coherence
Ensure that each main point is clearly linked back to the overall argument of the essay to strengthen the coherence and task response.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and a strong conclusion that summarizes the key points and presents a clear stance.
task response
You have effectively covered all aspects of the task by discussing both the importance of healthy meals at school and the responsibilities of different stakeholders.
examples
The examples provided, such as the government funding and parental roles, are relevant and help to reinforce your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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