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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales (in various formats) of films from a particular store between 2002 and 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales (in various formats) of films from a particular store between 2002 and 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#rentals #sales #formats #films #store #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The graph below
demonstrate
Change the verb form
demonstrates
show examples
 the yearly
quantitiy
Correct your spelling
quantity
 of rentals and
sales
Use synonyms
 (in
differnet
Correct your spelling
different
 categories) for movies from one store in
Use synonyms
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
 from 2002 to 2011. 
Overall
Linking Words
, the line for DVD
sales
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 steadily
icnreasing
Correct your spelling
increasing
 half of the
period
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 declined.
However
Linking Words
rental
Correct article usage
the rental
show examples
 figure showed the biggest number before steadily
decreased
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
period
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the information
showen
Correct your spelling
shown
 in the
grapgh
Correct your spelling
graph
, we can notice that the annual number
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 DVD
sales
Use synonyms
 was
steady
Change the word
steadily
show examples
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 to reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
highst
Correct your spelling
highest
sales
Use synonyms
 in 2007 exceeding 200000.
Then
Linking Words
steady
Change the word
steadily
show examples
 declined until the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2011,
while
Linking Words
 rentals were at the
peaks
Fix the agreement mistake
peak
show examples
 of
sales
Use synonyms
 in 2002 achieving almost 200000. Next demand decreased
dramtically
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 and ended up with 50000 earned from rental in 2011 which is the lowest amount.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the amount of VHS
sales
Use synonyms
were decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 until 2006,
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 it
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 not part of
income
Correct article usage
the income
show examples
 anymore,
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add the comma(s)
hand,
show examples
 blu sary
saels
Correct your spelling
sales
take
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 a part in income from the year 2007 but with
low
Add an article
the low
a low
show examples
 amount not reaching even
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
50000 a year
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the end of the
period
Use synonyms
. Based on the
grapgh
Correct your spelling
graph
, the
sales
Use synonyms
 of DVDs
growing
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 constantly before
declined
Wrong verb form
declining
show examples
,
Moreover
Linking Words
 from 2007 to 2011 blu ray
sales
Use synonyms
 became one of the incomes.
Submitted by m.e.a1434 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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