IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as Sahara or Antarctica. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend for tourists who visit these places?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, conditions in places like the Sahara or Antarctica, where living is difficult, are becoming popular, and many tourists are
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling

The spelling of traveling is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
 to these areas.
While
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 there are certain benefits to
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they are outweighed by the drawbacks. One advantage of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling

The spelling of traveling is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
 to these regions is the increasing popularity of visiting the Sahara and Antarctica, which offer beautiful views.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, when people travel, they post photos on the Internet showcasing the unique atmosphere. These photos often spark greater interest in wildlife among followers, which is why others are attracted to visit these places. Equally important is the emotion these trips evoke, adding depth and meaning to life.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, many people share great memories from their trips, telling friends or colleagues about the difficult conditions and unexpected situations they encountered. One problem associated with tourism is that it contributes to environmental pollution.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 is because the majority of tourists throw rubbish into open areas, which is not recycled, and it ends up in the ocean or the Sahara, harming wildlife and the ecosystem. Plastic is
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 non-biodegradable, taking hundreds of years to decompose, making it a long-term environmental hazard. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling

The spelling of traveling is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
 has several disadvantages, they are not as significant as the advantages. My recommendation is that the government should control the rubbish left by tourists and impose
fine
Add an article
a fine

The noun phrase fine seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance task response, ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are elaborated clearly, offering balanced insights. Explain consequences or offer more examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by making transitions smoother between ideas. Adding linking words like 'moreover', 'however', 'on the other hand', etc., could assist in refining the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
To boost cohesion, ensure all points are clearly connected to the main theme. Ensure each paragraph centers around a clear topic sentence.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, allowing readers to grasp the topic and its significance easily.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view, considering both advantages and disadvantages of the trend.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: