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Writing Samples
Band 8

Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. Do you agree or disagree? [CRIME EDUCATION]

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There is a widespread belief that education and job training would be a better option to handle criminals than imprisonment is. From my perspective, I don't align with
this
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 point of view
due to
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 the following reasons.
To begin
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 with , it is reasonable to give sentences in prison to offenders, as it is lawful validity. Criminals are the ones who disobey the law and commit disallowed actions, potentially going beyond the limit. Sometimes these misdemeanours are far too morally unacceptable and improper,
therefore
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 sending offenders to prison is a suitable punishment, for what they have done, and penalizing them in a harsh way.
For example
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, several serial killers who brutally murdered and tortured lots of victims, are put into jail, attributing to the seriousness of their wrongdoings.
Furthermore
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, the nature of humans is hardly unchangeable. Conduction lessons not only are a waste of time but
also
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 give offenders a chance to get away with their guilt, redoing their crime and posing threats to people. Take the law in Korea for an illustration. They once educated many lawbreakers about righteous values, yet have to stop because of its impracticality.
Besides
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, those underprivileged, alongside the illiterate should be provided with higher education, so that they can have more well-off and comfortable lives, raising higher life standards as well. To exemplify, if Nguyen Ngoc Ky hadn't been offered educational support, he wouldn't have overcome his poor background, becoming an inspirational and successful teacher for the public to follow. All things considered, it is best to send criminals to prison,
whereas
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 training and teaching should be granted to the needy.

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task achievement
Consider providing more examples or counterarguments to balance the perspective, which can enhance the comprehensiveness of your response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that transitions between paragraphs are seamless for improved flow of ideas.
task achievement
The essay clearly articulates a viewpoint and provides reasons for disagreement with the opposing view.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the argument, providing a clear beginning and end to the discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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