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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the changes in the population of some cities till date. Write a report and select the main features, making comparison where relevant.

The line graph shows the changes in the population of some cities till date. Write a report and select the main features, making comparison where relevant.
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The line chart provides key information about the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 living in
cities
Use synonyms
. The units are measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the chart that there is an expected upward trend regards living in
cities
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a significant
fluctutation
Correct your spelling
fluctuation
fluctuations
 in the population of
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
, Thailand and Indonesia,
whereas
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 from
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 faced a direct increase.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, starting from 1970
people
Use synonyms
 from
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 were
equivelant
Correct your spelling
equal
 to 30% of the total community
lived
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in
cities
Use synonyms
. A decade later, Malaysians who lived in
cities
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 grew by 10%,
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 from
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 remained constant. In 1990 , communities in
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 were equalled to nearly 45%. 10 years later,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 faced a huge jump to 60% and
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
 increasing,
however
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
shrinked
Correct your spelling
shrank
show examples
 to 40% and slightly
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 until it
expected
Add a missing verb
was expected
show examples
 to reach 60%. In terms of
Indonesian’s
Change noun form
Indonesians
show examples
,
initially
Linking Words
, roughly 12%
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
tended to live in
cities
Use synonyms
, with a gradual rise in the next 3 decades until it reached approximately 25% which was
equivelant
Correct your spelling
equivalent
 to Thais in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000. Thailand faced a jump to 50% in 2020,
while
Linking Words
 Indonesia reached 30%. It is expected that both Indonesia and Thailand to reach 40% and 50% respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, cities, philippines, malaysia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "jump" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Line graph
  • Population
  • Trends
  • Urbanization
  • Growth
  • Decline
  • Comparison
  • Rapid increase
  • Plateau
  • Stabilization
  • Infrastructure
  • Economic factors
  • Migration patterns
  • Natural disasters
  • Saturation
  • Time frame
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