Some People believe that it is the responsibility of the individuals to take care of their own health.Others believe that government should make sure that their citizen are healthy. discuss both views.

#people #responsibility #individuals #care #health #government #citizen

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Maintain

Wrong verb form

Maintaining

show examples

health is

vital

Add an article

a vital

show examples

role for

humans

Change the noun form

human

show examples

life.

However

Linking Words

, few

people

Use synonyms

assert that individuals should take care

their

Change preposition

of their

show examples

health and

diet

Use synonyms

by own management.

While

Linking Words

others believe that the local authority should make

healthy

Add an article

a healthy

show examples

diet

Use synonyms

for

community

Add an article

the community

show examples

. I agree with

this

Linking Words

formal view because

people

Use synonyms

can easily university how to maintain their physical fitness and

diet

Use synonyms

. To

embark

Verb problem

begin

show examples

with,there are multiple grounds why

people

Use synonyms

have

Verb problem

are

show examples

responsible for their own fitness and

diet

Use synonyms

. First and foremost reason is,

people

Use synonyms

have been

findings

Correct your spelling

finding

show examples

better ways to maintain their well-being

along with

Linking Words

proper

Correct article usage

a proper

show examples

diet

Use synonyms

. Because

this

Linking Words

can be helpful

Change preposition

show examples

maintaining

theri

Correct your spelling

their

the

body structure.

In addition

Linking Words

, some

people

Use synonyms

believe that

diet

Use synonyms

beneficials

Correct your spelling

beneficial

for enhancing immunity level

Linking Words

also

Correct word choice

and also

show examples

helpful to decline disease for our body.

Fourthmore

Correct your spelling

Fourth

mostly

Correct your spelling

most

show examples

people

Use synonyms

have

choose

Fix the infinitive

to choose

show examples

Use synonyms

diet

Correct article usage

a diet

show examples

according to

Linking Words

their body structure

along with

Linking Words

their

convenient

Replace the word

convenience

show examples

. There are a number of

reason

Fix the agreement mistake

reasons

show examples

why

authority

Fix the agreement mistake

authorities

show examples

should

selected

Change the verb form

select

show examples

Use synonyms

diet

Correct article usage

a diet

show examples

for citizens.

First

Correct article usage

The first

show examples

and foremost significant change is,

governments

Correct word choice

that governments

show examples

has

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

must

banned

Change the verb form

ban

show examples

junk

food

Use synonyms

because

Change preposition

apply

show examples

junk

food

Use synonyms

vital

Correct article usage

a vital

show examples

factors

Fix the agreement mistake

factor

show examples

to interact

Change the verb form

interacting

show examples

Use synonyms

Change preposition

with people

show examples

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

health and

diet

Use synonyms

Along with

Linking Words

nowadays most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

people

Use synonyms

who

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

prefer to take

food

Use synonyms

. Like pizza,

burger

Fix the agreement mistake

burgers

show examples

and

sandwich

Fix the agreement mistake

sandwiches

show examples

. Which is loaded with cheese and

increase

Correct subject-verb agreement

increases

show examples

over weight with fat.

Hence

Linking Words

Add an article

the authority

show examples

authority

Fix the agreement mistake

authorities

show examples

should make strict rules against them and

providing

Wrong verb form

provide

show examples

best

Correct article usage

the best

show examples

healthy meal for all. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

government should healthy

meal

Fix the agreement mistake

meals

show examples

for citizens.

Instead

Linking Words

prohibited junk

food

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

can positive development for all. In my opinion, if

people

Use synonyms

have

try

Change the form of the verb

tried

show examples

to own for maintaining themselves. It's

best

Change the article

the best

show examples

way to maintain their physical fitness.

Submitted by shital20802 on Fri Jan 10 2025

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coherence cohesion

Organize your essay more effectively by clearly distinguishing between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Make sure each paragraph presents a single clear idea.

coherence cohesion

Improve the logical structure by using linking words or phrases, such as 'firstly,' 'moreover,' or 'on the other hand,' to create smoother transitions between different points.

task achievement

Support your main points with specific examples or evidence to bring more clarity and depth to your arguments.

task achievement

Ensure that your arguments thoroughly address both views of the debate. Currently, the discussion is slightly biased towards individual responsibility.

introduction conclusion present

You have provided a clear opinion in the introductory paragraph, which sets the tone for your essay.

complete response

You clearly stated some arguments for both personal responsibility and government involvement in health.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
45
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

253 words

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Some People believe that it is the responsibility of the individuals to take care of their own health.Others believe that government should make sure that their citizen are healthy. discuss both views.

Fully explain your ideas

some people say that it is better to work for a large company than a small one. Do agree or disagree?

Some employers believe that job applicants’ social skills are more important than their academic qualifications. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some teachers think that international student exchange programs would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this.