The internet is a great invention that brings a host of advantages for the world population. However, there are several issues in terms of security and control of personal data. Do you agree or disagree with this?

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As
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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got
Verb problem
was
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invented, people got many benefits from it.
But
Correct word choice
However
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concerns regarding personal data and privacy
has
Wrong verb form
have been
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raised. I
am completely agree
Change the verb form
completely agree
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as negative consequences are increasing in people's lives. Cybercrime is one of the main reasons for affecting someone's life. Because, it has become common to hack various social media platforms, where they steal personal information of the user and misuse it. Because of
this
Linking Words
, people have to face challenges in life.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays, criminals are hacking
whatsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
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which
was
Wrong verb form
is
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most
Correct article usage
the most
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secured
Replace the word
secure
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application,
however
Linking Words
, hackers have been
seeing
Wrong verb form
seen
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asking for money from their
closed
Replace the word
close
show examples
ones.
Submitted by kaurgurjot95 on

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Task Achievement
Clarify your stance on the topic more distinctly. You mentioned agreeing with the statement but did not explicitly state your position in a clear manner.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices to better connect your ideas and sentences. This can help improve the readability of your essay.
Task Achievement
Provide a more balanced view by stating both advantages and disadvantages of the internet. This would enhance the completeness of your response.
Task Achievement
You have identified cybercrime as a significant issue related to internet use, particularly concerning personal data.
Task Achievement
You provided a relevant example of how cybercrime can affect individuals, specifically through social media hacking.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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