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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that children should spend their free time doing organised activities such as sports and music lessons others believe that children should be free to play and explore. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #children #time #activities #sports #music #lessons
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Few
people
Use synonyms
 think that
children
Use synonyms
 should spend their leisure time doing organised
activities
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as sports and music lessons but others believe that they should be free to play and explore. During
childhood
Use synonyms
 period brains are active and learning new skills and techniques
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 easily achieved. At the same time
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
exposing
Replace the word
exposure
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 should be avoided and they are allowed to have fun
activities
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, some believe that training
people
Use synonyms
 at
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 young age is beneficial in learning new skills and
activities
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, in
this
Linking Words
 age group
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
 capacities, cognitive function and leadership qualities are optimally developed. So,
introduction
Add an article
the introduction
show examples
 of sporting
activities
Use synonyms
, music and dancing can be learned quickly
as well as
Linking Words
 effectively.
For example
Linking Words
: Recent studies suggest that early
childhood
Use synonyms
 sports involvement and physical activity greatly influence
Add an article
the brain
show examples
brain in
Change preposition
brain's
show examples
 positive development.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, few
people
Use synonyms
 believe that kids should be left out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 routine
activities
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such
Linking Words
 as dance or music classes. They need to explore different places and
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, imposing certain
activities
Use synonyms
 can mentally stress the child and may lead to
childhood
Use synonyms
 anxiety.
For instance
Linking Words
:
children
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faces
Change the verb form
face
show examples
 denial and hatred towards particular
activities
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 if they are not interested. Some parents impose their
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 which adversely
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 the young minds.
On
Change preposition
In
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 conclusion,
children
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 should be introduced
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 or skills
whatever
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 they like or
interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
show examples
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
 With involvement and
passion
Add a comma
passion,
show examples
 kids can master the skill in
childhood
Use synonyms
 and shine bright in future. So parents should be supportive and find the field of interest in
children
Use synonyms
 rather than imposing.
Submitted by ksanthosh701 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows logically from one to the next. This will improve overall coherence.
task achievement
Clarify your position more explicitly in the introduction and conclusion to provide a stronger task response.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples or evidence to support your main points for enhanced task achievement.
task achievement
Good attempt at introducing both viewpoints in the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay concludes well by summarizing your opinion and giving advice to parents.
task achievement
Relevant examples and reasoning are presented, helping strengthen your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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