IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and town B in 1960, 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and town B in 1960, 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentage #people #sectors #town #b #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The
grapg
Correct your spelling
graph
 displays the amount of
people
Use synonyms
 that are working in
manufactoring
Correct your spelling
manufacturing
, sales, and
services
Use synonyms
 in two cities in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1960 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Town
Use synonyms
 A shows a highly increase
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 working in
services
Use synonyms
 between the two periods of time.
However
Linking Words
,
Town
Use synonyms
 B presents a
decrease
Replace the word
decreased
show examples
 number
regarding
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 working in
Correct article usage
the manufactoring
show examples
manufactoring
Correct your spelling
manufacturing
 section. The three sections in
Town
Use synonyms
 A
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 changed, but the biggest change is
services
Use synonyms
employes
Correct your spelling
employees
show examples
 which
raised
Verb problem
increased
show examples
 from 29% until reached 64%.
However
Linking Words
, the
sales
Correct quantifier usage
number of sales
show examples
 workers
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased
betwen
Correct your spelling
between
 the 90s and 2000s, which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
used to be 30% of
Town
Use synonyms
 A
then
Linking Words
 it goes down to 16%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Town
Use synonyms
 B remained almost stable regarding sales employees. But, shows
a major decreases
Correct the article-noun agreement
a major decrease
major decreases
show examples
 in
manufacroting
Correct your spelling
manufacturing
 workers with a percentage of 70% in
90s
Change the article
the 90s
show examples
then
Linking Words
 it changed to 53%.
Finally
Linking Words
, in 2010, the amount of
people
Use synonyms
 working in
services
Use synonyms
 has
raised
Verb problem
risen
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 a percentage of 25%.
Submitted by layan992015 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, services, town with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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