IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below compare the age structure of the populations of France and India in 1984. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below compare the age structure of the populations of France and India in 1984. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The two charts compare the
age
Use synonyms
 distribution by gender
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
France
Use synonyms
 and
India
Use synonyms
 in the year 1984. It is observable that
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
 life expectancy in
France
Use synonyms
 exceeded that of
India
Use synonyms
. On one hand,
France
Use synonyms
 showed
relatively
Correct article usage
a relatively
show examples
 stable population structure with an even proportion
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 both sexes across the
age
Use synonyms
 groups from 10 - 15 to 35-40,
brought
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
 in about 8
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
overall
Linking Words
. Afterwards, female French within the
age
Use synonyms
 groups of 5-10 and 40-45 had comparable rates at about 4%.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
France
Use synonyms
 had a significantly larger percentage of
elderly
Add an article
the elderly
show examples
 population than
India
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
India
Use synonyms
 tended to have
a younger demographic patterns
Correct the article-noun agreement
a younger demographic pattern
younger demographic patterns
show examples
 which is characterized by the pyramid-shaped tower. Compared to
France
Use synonyms
,
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 number of people falling in the
age
Use synonyms
 range from 10-15 to 35-40 declined gradually in both genders.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
age
Use synonyms
 of 5-10 almost doubled the group 40-45 with 6% each,
demonstrated
Wrong verb form
demonstrating
show examples
 a
sharply
Change the adverb
sharp
show examples
 rise of Indian birthrate during the year 1984. As can be seen, Indian inhabitants had
tendency
Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
show examples
 to be younger and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 longevity was not as high as
Frances
Change noun form
Frances's
France's
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words age, france, india with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compare" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: