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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below compare the age structure of the populations of France and India in 1984. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below compare the age structure of the populations of France and India in 1984. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#age #structure #populations #france #india #report #university #lecturer #information #summarise #features #comparisons
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The two charts compare the
age
Use synonyms
 distribution by gender
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
France
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 and
India
Use synonyms
 in the year 1984. It is observable that
average
Correct article usage
the average
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 life expectancy in
France
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 exceeded that of
India
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. On one hand,
France
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 showed
relatively
Correct article usage
a relatively
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 stable population structure with an even proportion
in
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of
show examples
 both sexes across the
age
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 groups from 10 - 15 to 35-40,
brought
Wrong verb form
bringing
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 in about 8
percent
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per cent
show examples
overall
Linking Words
. Afterwards, female French within the
age
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 groups of 5-10 and 40-45 had comparable rates at about 4%.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
France
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 had a significantly larger percentage of
elderly
Add an article
the elderly
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 population than
India
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
India
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 tended to have
a younger demographic patterns
Correct the article-noun agreement
a younger demographic pattern
younger demographic patterns
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 which is characterized by the pyramid-shaped tower. Compared to
France
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,
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 number of people falling in the
age
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 range from 10-15 to 35-40 declined gradually in both genders.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
age
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 of 5-10 almost doubled the group 40-45 with 6% each,
demonstrated
Wrong verb form
demonstrating
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 a
sharply
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sharp
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 rise of Indian birthrate during the year 1984. As can be seen, Indian inhabitants had
tendency
Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
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 to be younger and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 longevity was not as high as
Frances
Change noun form
Frances's
France's
show examples
.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, france, india with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compare" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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