IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or dissagre? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#sales #consumer #goods #power #society #dissagre
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In
modern
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the modern
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 world,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most
of
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apply
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commodities are not sold,
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 of the demand of the public. The impressive sales of well-known customer products are bought by people
due to
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impact
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the impact
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 of advertising. I believe
this
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 influence of branding
affect
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affects
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 our society. The community buy these types of goods which are very expensive and sometimes unhealthy.
To begin
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 with, today, the effectiveness of advertising is so
abvious
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obvious
 and it makes people buy overpriced products. They see a lot of commercials on TV or
their
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on their
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 phones
,
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apply
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 and want to get those items, and sometimes they do not actually need them.
For instance
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,
according to
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 a survey
of
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by
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 Apple Company in 2024, 70% of individuals
purchase
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purchased
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new
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a new
the new
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 version of
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the Iphone
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Iphone
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iPhone
, seeing that Apple product showcases,
although
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 these
Iphones
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iPhones
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 are high-priced.
Furthermore
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, many companies and chain
restourants
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restaurants
 advertise their processed unhealthy food. The awesome showcase of these kinds of meals
get
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gets
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 a high amount of attention from humans, especially children.
For example
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, 80% of parents in the world complain about those commercials, their children see the advertisements on TV or billboards, and sometimes their children make them buy harmful edibles. In
conlusion
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conclusion
, the marketing strategies of organizations are everywhere in our life, their proportions are outrageously expensive and over-processed food. I can not deny
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this
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the
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 power of advertising.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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task achievement
To fully achieve the Task Response score, ensure you elaborate more on the examples provided. Discuss how the survey you mention actually reflects societal needs versus advertising influence.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs with topic sentences. This makes the essay flow more naturally and enhances readability.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is strong and clearly presents your position on the topic.
relevant specific examples
You have included some relevant examples which are good for supporting your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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