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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below shows the number of temporary migrant worker in four countries in 2003 and 2006 and the number of these workers per 1,000 people in these countries in 2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The table below shows the number of temporary migrant worker in four countries in 2003 and 2006 and the number of these workers per 1,000 people in these countries in 2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#worker #four #countries #workers #people #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The table displays how many temporary migrants
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
work in four nations in the years 2003 and 2006 and their
number
Use synonyms
 per 1000
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 in these nations.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of migrant
employers
Use synonyms
 increased among all four nations.
Although
Linking Words
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States was the highest, it was the lowest in the
number
Use synonyms
 of
per
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people in the
last
Linking Words
 year. Newzeland was the highest in the
number
Use synonyms
 per individual. Australia's migrant workers were the second highest in 2003 with 152,000 and went up to 219,000 in 2006 but became the third lowest.
Also
Linking Words
, it was the second highest
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
number
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
per 1,000 people in 2006 with 10.7. Newzeland was the lowest among all the four countries with 65,000 and 87,000 in 2003 and 3006 respectively. Despite being the lowest in the
number
Use synonyms
 of migrant
employers
Use synonyms
, it was the highest in the
number
Use synonyms
 per 1,000 people in the year 2006 with 21.1. United Kingdom migrant workers rose from 137,000 and 266,000 in 2006 to become the third nation. It has 4.4 per 1,000
worker
Change to a plural noun
workers
show examples
. United
states
Capitalize word
States
show examples
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the highest in its migrant workers with 577,000 in 2003
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
grew to 678,000 in 2006. Even though it was the biggest nation in the numbers
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 migrant
employers
Use synonyms
, it has only 2.3 per one
tousand
Correct your spelling
thousand
employers
Use synonyms
 which was the lowest.
Submitted by sam  on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, employers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • temporary migrant workers
  • trends
  • absolute numbers
  • per 1,000 people
  • growth rate
  • per capita
  • labor markets
  • economies
  • significant
  • imply
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