IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people get into debts by buying things they don't need and can't afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

#people #debts #behaviour #action
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It is argued that some would borrow money to purchase new items without the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 it and it is expensive. I believe that the main reason behind
this
Linking Words
 attitude is shopping
addiction
Use synonyms
, and the
perfact
Correct your spelling
perfect
 solution is the start a publicity
campaigne
Correct your spelling
campaign
campaigns
. There are many reasons for buying new items without the need for
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
, but the main reason is having a mental problem called shopping
addiction
Use synonyms
. Many men and women suffer from it in the modern world but they do not know.
This
Linking Words
 goes back to
chiledhood
Correct your spelling
childhood
 because if parents did not raise
thier childern
Correct your spelling
their children
 to not
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 money wisely, they
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 not learn it by
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
 after they
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 up.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 New York Times
magazine
Capitalize word
Magazine
show examples
, social
specialests
Correct your spelling
specialists
 say that around 39% of adults purchase new trend stuff
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 mugs and begs, just to feel satisfied. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem governments should start a publicity
campaign
Use synonyms
 in the media and in
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 to educate people about the danger of not
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial
manegment
Correct your spelling
management
 and buying anything without consideration of its cost. Many people do not believe that
this
Linking Words
 is a big problem which can affect
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 future.
However
Linking Words
, an
awearness
Correct your spelling
awareness
campaign
Use synonyms
 could shed some light
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
 difficult situation and allow people to be more
honst
Correct your spelling
honest
 about it. For
instence
Correct your spelling
instance
, in
Japan
Add a comma
Japan,
show examples
 a
decreases
Correct the article-noun agreement
decrease
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 shopping
addiction
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
percentage of 53% was clear after publishing
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
campaign
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media. In conclusion, some are taking loans just to buy products that they do not need
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, and can not pay. I believe that the primary
cuase
Correct your spelling
cause
 is the
addiction
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 shopping, and the best solution is
to begin
Linking Words
 a new
campaign
Use synonyms
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 social applications.
Submitted by layan992015 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt well, focusing on the reasons for debt due to unnecessary purchases and potential solutions. However, consider expanding your explanation to cover more potential reasons and solutions. This will give a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, maintaining a clear connection between ideas. This will help improve the overall coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the issue and your stance, providing a good starting point for readers.
task achievement
You have included a relevant example relating to shopping addiction and its impact, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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