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Writing Samples
Band 7

The line graphs below show the subscriptions to mobile and fixed phone lines in four different countries between 2005 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graphs below show the subscriptions to mobile and fixed phone lines in four different countries between 2005 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line chart compares the key information of monthly payments by customers in four different countries namely
Eritrea
Use synonyms
,
India
Use synonyms
, the
UK
Use synonyms
, and
Uruguay
Use synonyms
, between mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 and fixed
phones
Use synonyms
 from 2005 to 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
,
India
Use synonyms
 and
Uruguay
Use synonyms
 experienced a variation of growth in cellular
phones
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
Eritrea
Use synonyms
 and the
UK
Use synonyms
 have a steady trend around the year. In terms of wire
phones
Use synonyms
, the
UK
Use synonyms
 and
India
Use synonyms
 had a downward growth
while
Linking Words
Uruguay
Use synonyms
 and
India
Use synonyms
 had an upward trend.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Eritrea
Use synonyms
 were the minority customer for cellular phone subscriptions and they had insignificant growth,
similarly
Linking Words
, the
UK
Use synonyms
 remains unchanged but the customers in
this
Linking Words
 country comprised a huge number of clients accounting from 100,000 to 13K person throughout the year.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, both
Replace the word
Indian
show examples
India
Use synonyms
 and
Uruguay
Use synonyms
 communities significantly increased the automatic payment for handphones.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the number of clients for desk
phones
Use synonyms
 in the
UK
Use synonyms
 dropped from 2005 to 2008 but they
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 a peak of customers 6,200
people
Use synonyms
 before declining until the end of the year.
Similarly
Linking Words
, in
Uruguay
Use synonyms
, the total of consumers decreased to 300
people
Use synonyms
.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
,
India
Use synonyms
 and
Eritrea
Use synonyms
 successfully recovered from a decline, totalling 35 hundred
people
Use synonyms
 and 320
people
Use synonyms
, respectively.
Submitted by firly on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "similarly".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words eritrea, india, uk, uruguay, phones, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 3 times.
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