IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Although some people value their public parks, this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the growing population or to develop business and develop the economy of the city. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Public
parks
Use synonyms
 are considered to be valuable for some citizens,
Linking Words
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 places might have a different purpose,
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 residential areas for the growing population or developing
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 the economy of the city better. The essay disagrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
This
Linking Words
 essay will first look at how public
parks
Use synonyms
make
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a positive effect on
people
Use synonyms
. First of all, public
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
show examples
 are places where everyone is doing their own thing,
such
Linking Words
 as walking; jogging; having a picnic; place for meditation or yoga. And it all happens outdoors in nature. It is known that
people
Use synonyms
 like to spend their free time outdoors,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh air, which helps to start the next week from a good perspective. Without public
parks
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 will not have the opportunity to make their holidays more
colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
show examples
 and fun.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in today’s world, with a lot of pollution and global warming, many forests are burning down,
people
Use synonyms
 should value all the trees and plants they have, and even more, they need to try planting more greeneries than they ever had to. It is one of the
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 to make our world better and prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
further
Linking Words
 unnecessary
trees
Fix the agreement mistake
tree
show examples
 cut downs.
For example
Linking Words
: cities could have
a planting days
Correct the article-noun agreement
a planting day
planting days
show examples
, where everyone could plant their own tree in a public park.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the essay
does not acknowledge neither
Rewrite the sentence
does not acknowledge either
acknowledges neither
show examples
 the idea of changing
parks
Use synonyms
 into residential areas
nor
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 developing business ideas. It is an important part of society and Earth.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction more emphatically. You state that you disagree, but it could be clearer and more directly linked to the topics you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer transitions between your main ideas. For example, phrases like 'Moreover', 'Additionally', or 'Furthermore' can help improve the flow of your arguments.
task achievement
Try to have more specific examples to support your points. For instance, when discussing the benefits of public parks, you could refer to studies that show how parks contribute to mental health or community well-being.
coherence and cohesion
Be mindful of grammatical accuracy. For example, ‘place’ should be ‘places’ in this context, and ‘public park are’ should be ‘public parks are’. Small grammatical mistakes can affect your score.
task achievement
In your conclusion, succinctly restate your main arguments instead of just saying what you do not acknowledge. This helps reinforce your position.
task achievement
You've presented a clear argument against the idea of converting parks into other spaces, which is a crucial aspect of the task.
task achievement
Your essay reflects a good understanding of the significance of public parks to individuals and society, showing you are capable of discussing abstract ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: