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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below give information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social center Melbourne, AUstralia for the period 2000 to 2020. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant .

The graphs below give information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social center Melbourne, AUstralia for the period 2000 to 2020. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant .
#graphs #information #numbers #participants #activities #center #melbourne #australia #period #summarise #features #comparison
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According to
Linking Words
 the Data number of participants, by activity from 2000 –
2020
Change preposition
to 2020
show examples
,
This
Linking Words
 data
Reflect
Correct subject-verb agreement
Reflects
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the line graph
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 each year. Starting from
Film
Use synonyms
club
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
held the highest number of participants in 2000. In 2005,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
participant
Replace the word
participation
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
film
Use synonyms
club
Use synonyms
 was reflecting as slowly
declined
Wrong verb form
declining
show examples
. In the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2010, the
film
Use synonyms
club
Use synonyms
 reflects
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
slowly
Change the word
slow
show examples
decline
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in 2015, the number of
film
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
 started to improve enough. And part of
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2020
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
showed
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
 rise compared to 2015.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the martial
arts
Use synonyms
 reflect
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
decline
Use synonyms
 in 2005 compared
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000. In 2010, Martial
arts
Use synonyms
 showed
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
slightly improved compared to 2005. As
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 2015, the martial
arts
Use synonyms
 began to slightly
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
decline
Use synonyms
 twice compared to 2010. in
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2020, the martial
arts
Use synonyms
 slightly
rise
Replace the word
rose
show examples
 compared to 2015.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, the amateur dramatics
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 in 2000 – 2005 was slightly rise a bit.
However
Linking Words
, in 2005 – 2010, the amateur dramatics reflected
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 significant
decline
Use synonyms
 of the participant.
Along with
Linking Words
 the 2010 – 2015, was
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 as slightly decreased compared to 2005 – 2010. As
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2015 – 2020, the martial
arts
Use synonyms
 showed
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
slightly
Change the word
slight
show examples
 in declined of the participants
Submitted by lydiaia on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words film, club, decline, arts with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "improve" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 8 times.
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