IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows changes in the popularity of three different activities in a UK sports club over a 20-year period. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows changes in the popularity of three different activities in a UK sports club over a 20-year period. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph demonstrates data about changes in the popularity of the three different
activities
Use synonyms
 in a UK
sport
Use synonyms
 club during the 20
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, participation in swimming
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 remarkably during the period. Team
sport
Use synonyms
however
Linking Words
 remained popular
while
Linking Words
 visiting gym
activities
Use synonyms
 rose considerably over the period In 1983, around 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of club members
participate
Wrong verb form
participated
show examples
 in swimming, so it was
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clearly the most popular activity.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 figure decreased slightly to 15
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1998 and remained
constat
Correct your spelling
constant
show examples
 Its level until 2003.
In contrast
Linking Words
, 32
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of club members did team
sport
Use synonyms
 in 1983, and
this
Linking Words
 figure
reaches
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 a peak of 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1998 before dropping down to its previous level in 2003. Participation rates for team
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 overtook those for swimming and became the highest for all
activities
Use synonyms
 from 1993 to 2003
Finally
Linking Words
, the smallest rate at approximately 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the year was in gym
activities
Use synonyms
, but
this
Linking Words
 figure climbed rapidly between 1988 and 1998 to around 20
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Eventually, levelling
of
Replace the word
off
show examples
 at 25
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, making
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
 the second most visible activity among others.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words activities, sport, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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