The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree?

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The eventual point of
the
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apply
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education is preparing juveniles for the modern world.
Therefore
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, schools should dispose of
art
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and
music
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classes so that students
could
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can
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focus more on learning useful subjects like information technology. I’m in two minds regarding the statement that the aforementioned subject must be excluded from
school
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the school
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curriculum whatsoever. On one hand,
art
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and
music
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might be considered useless
due to
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a lack of highly demanded jobs requiring them nowadays. Indeed, possessing deep knowledge in terms of mathematics or social science allows for better job opportunities in the contemporary world.
Thus
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, it might be reasonable for schools to either downsize the amount of time allocated to studying
art
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and
music
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, in turn, stepping up the number of classes devoted to the subjects that would assist a student in comprehending exceedingly demanded skills
,
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or getting rid of
art
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and
music
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entirely.
On the other hand
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, the above-mentioned classes might bolster the pupils’ imagination and protrude as an outlet after a long and gruelling school day. Definitely, the chance to unwind is tremendously vital for students as it can provide a marvellous opportunity not solely to let off steam, but
also
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to express themselves in various ways. Unfortunately, if these lessons are excluded, teenagers will encounter
the
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a
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rise in tension which ultimately may induce mental burnout. To deduce, the issue of whether
art
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and
music
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should be deleted from
curriculum
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the curriculum
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is undoubtedly ambiguous. The deletion of these subjects might ramp up the
quantity
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number
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of hours parcelled out on other lessons,
as well as
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the increase in stress during school time.
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task response
To strengthen your task response, consider providing more specific examples. This will help in demonstrating how art and music can contribute to various skills or situations, thereby supporting your argument further.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and is well-connected to the overall argument. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have presented a clear and logical structure with a thoughtful introduction and conclusion.
task response
Your essay addresses the task effectively by discussing both sides of the argument.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • cognitive abilities
  • cultural education
  • globally connected world
  • problem-solving skills
  • critical thinking
  • well-rounded education
  • self-expression
  • mental health impacts
  • digital art
  • music production
  • technology-driven careers
  • academic performance
  • intellectual growth
  • emotional development
  • creative subjects
  • enrich creativity
  • foster a sense of achievement
  • stress relief
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