IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making relevant comparisons.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making relevant comparisons.
#first #information #money #british #parents #children’s #sports #second #children #three #britain #period #summarise #features #comparisons
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The graphs
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 data about the British
parents 's
Remove the s
parents'
show examples
 monthly expenditure on their
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
' physical activity
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 how
how
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
many
children
Use synonyms
 took part in three different
kinks
Correct your spelling
kinds
show examples
 of sports from 208 to 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
 ,
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 expenditure on their
children
Use synonyms
's
sport
Use synonyms
 was increasing.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 football is the type of
sport
Use synonyms
 that
popular
Add a missing verb
is popular
show examples
 among British kids.In
consersely
Correct your spelling
conversely
, the least
participation
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 is swimming.
Firstly
Linking Words
, parents spent approximately 20 pounds per month in 2018. It rose significantly and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 over 30 pounds per week in 2014. Exacpt from Athletics, football and swimming always keeps in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 upward
tend
Correct your spelling
trend
show examples
. 7.5
million
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 took part in football in 2008 . The
participation
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
soaring
Wrong verb form
soared
show examples
 to about 8
million
Use synonyms
 in 2012,
then
Linking Words
 remained stable .
In
Change the preposition
At
show examples
 the beginning of the period ,Athletics was the unpopular
sport
Use synonyms
 among
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
 with almost one thousand
particupants
Correct your spelling
participants
.
However
Linking Words
, the
rate
Use synonyms
 rose dramatically and reached 5
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2012.
Moreover
Linking Words
 , athletics became the second
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 favourite
sport
Use synonyms
.The
participation
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 slightly dropped to below 5
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2014.The
participation
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 swimming increased gradually from about 2.3
million
Use synonyms
 to 3
million
Use synonyms
 between 2008 and 2014 .
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words children, sport, participation, rate, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • expenditure
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • over the period
  • fluctuations
  • incremental increase
  • sharp decline
  • steady growth
  • sporting activities
  • athletic gear
  • membership fees
  • coaching expenses
  • inflation-adjusted
  • disposable income
  • socioeconomic factors
  • extracurricular
  • grassroots development
  • investment in youth sport
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