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Writing Samples
Band 5

Goverments investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Goverments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

#goverments #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #services
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Some people believe that public funds should be allocated solely to public
services
Use synonyms
 not to extracurriculars
such
Linking Words
 as arts.
However
Linking Words
, I acknowledge that public
services
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as public transportation, healthcare and infrastructures are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vital domains of government investment, but I
also
Linking Words
 believe that
art
Use synonyms
 should come to the attention of nations as it helps
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the well-being of societies. On the one hand, in my point of view, authorities should invest the major proportion of public money in the following three areas.
Firstly
Linking Words
, public transportation including buses, metro and trains , can be a solution for both air pollution and traffic congestion in metropolises. By investing in eco-friendly public transportation,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can address environment conservation,
a
Correct word choice
and a
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healthy planet
serve
Correct subject-verb agreement
serves
show examples
 better to its inhabitants
.
Rephrase
better.
show examples
Secondly
Linking Words
, the healthcare domain should not only include public hospitals and health education systems but
also
Linking Words
 promote modern prevention and treatments.
Lastly
Linking Words
, infrastructures
such
Linking Words
 as new roads, bridges, and public construction
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the other essential areas for public funding.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I think governments should pay money for promoting the arts
such
Linking Words
 as music, theatre and
art
Use synonyms
 fairs and encourage their nations to contribute to
this
Linking Words
 trend. From the perspectives of some people, investment in
art
Use synonyms
 is a waste of public money. They believe, governments should neglect the extra programs,
whereas
Linking Words
 there is a demand
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 public
services
Use synonyms
. I personally disagree with the notion of
this
Linking Words
 group, since I think
art
Use synonyms
 helps people to mitigate their emotional diseases
such
Linking Words
 as anxiety, depression and stress. In a high-speed world,
art
Use synonyms
 helps society’s well-being
while
Linking Words
 offering a balanced nation.
Additionally
Linking Words
, I think the government can offer some part of the
art
Use synonyms
 events’ cost
while
Linking Words
 another portion of expensive offers by volunteers. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 allocating public funds to public
services
Use synonyms
 plays a crucial role in gaining the consent of most folks, governments should devote some part of public funds to the
art
Use synonyms
 domain, as it helps in increasing the mental health of societies.
Submitted by skharratian on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay addresses both sides of the issue effectively, but make sure each paragraph clearly supports your overall argument. Consider linking ideas with clearer transitions.
task achievement
While you cover multiple aspects of public funding, offering more specific examples could enhance your argument and make it more compelling.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion, clearly outlining your stance on the topic.
task achievement
You adequately address both perspectives and provide reasons for your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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