IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many countries the consumption of fast food has increased dramatically in recent years. What has caused this increase? What effect might it have on individuals and society?

In most
countries
Add a comma
countries,
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 the consumption of fast food has drastically
raised
Verb problem
risen
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 in recent years. Increased working hours and
Easy
Correct article usage
the Easy
show examples
 availability of fast
Use synonyms
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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 are the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 for
this
Linking Words
 surge.
This
Linking Words
 can negatively affect the individual health and lead to
obese
Correct article usage
an obese
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 dominant
society
Use synonyms
. Most of the multinational companies
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
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 their working hours which causes
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of time to eat healthy food so
people
Use synonyms
 are pulled towards easily available junk
foods
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
: IT companies are selling free fast
Use synonyms
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 to their employees which makes
a
Correct pronoun usage
it a
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habit
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, KFC and McDonald's are installing their franchises
every where
Correct your spelling
everywhere
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 so easy availability of fast
Use synonyms
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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 attracts more
people
Use synonyms
. Readymade and processed food
poses
Change the verb form
pose
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threat
Correct article usage
a threat
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 to the health of a person.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that,
taste enhancing
Add a hyphen
taste-enhancing
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chemical
Fix the agreement mistake
chemicals
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 present in junk
foods
Use synonyms
 are predisposing to
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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 diseases like diabetes, hypertension and thyroid problems. Sometimes
people
Use synonyms
 become dependent on these
foods
Use synonyms
 and make as a routine to eat outside
foods
Use synonyms
. Recent studies
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 that most fast
foods
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
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 the potential to cause cancer and cardiovascular diseases
due to
Linking Words
the
Change the word
their
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 high cholesterol content. It not only affects individuals but
also
Linking Words
 creates
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
On
Change preposition
In
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 conclusion,
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 in working hours and
easily
Change the word
easy
show examples
 availability makes
people
Use synonyms
 addicted to fast
Use synonyms
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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. Because of
this
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are prone to
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 diseases and it negatively affects
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. Unhealthy citizens make
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 unhealthy
society
Use synonyms
.

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relevant specific examples
Include more specific examples or data to support your claims, like statistics on fast food consumption or specific health effects documented in research to bolster your argument.
logical structure
Clarify transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance flow. For instance, more smoothly connect how long working hours directly lead to fast food consumption.
complete response
You have effectively addressed both parts of the question by identifying causes (increased working hours, availability of fast food) and effects (health risks, social implications).
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly present and summarize the main ideas well, which frame your essay's argument effectively.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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