Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Music

Use synonyms

has existed for a long time in human history since the very start of our civilization. Some

people

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suggest that

music

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plays an important role in collaborating

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people

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with people

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of all ages from various

culture

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cultural

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backgrounds.

This

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essay will defend

this

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view by arguing that

music

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facilitates the collaboration of

people

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through its story-telling abilities and its contributions to a range of cognitive functions.

Firstly

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music

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's unique story-telling manner could break barriers between

people

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from different cultures.

Although

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it is widely believed that lyrics act as the main story-telling medium, research has shown that

people

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tend to interpret

musics

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music

kinds of music

pieces of music

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more and deeper based on their

rythms

Correct your spelling

rhythms

Therefore

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although

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audiences might not

capable

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be capable

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of understanding the contents from a completely different culture or those being written in a non-native language, they can still appreciate the

up and down

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up-and-down

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melody and even emphasize

with

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apply

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the twists-and-turn plots the

music

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depicts.

This

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allows a seemingly abstract, but potentially effective approach in communication between cultures.

In addition

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, listening to

music

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could develop and refine various cognitive functions. Musics are in fact combinations of sound

waves

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Moreover

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, these

waves

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differ by instruments that produce them. The assortment of sound

waves

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, when being received by our brains, would

further

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activate nerves that are essentially functioning

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

cognitively. It has already been discovered that appropriate and regular intake of musical

waves

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could improve concentration, retention and various other skills. Some

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apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

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renowned research organisations are

also

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proposing

music

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therapies that could provide

people

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with emotional

values

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value

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and even with the potential

of preventing

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to prevent

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dementia. All these

are enriching

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enrich

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our cognitive skills, which

further

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provokes more effective

communications

Fix the agreement mistake

communication

show examples

. Eventually,

people

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would collaborate with each other more effectively. In conclusion,

this

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essay has argued that

music

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is competent in

bring

Change the verb form

bringing

show examples

people

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together by mentioning that

firstly

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, stories depicted by

rythms

Correct your spelling

rhythms

align

people

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from different cultures.

Secondly

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coginition

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cognition

cognitive

enhancement provided by

music

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could

finally

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bring about more efficient collaborations.

haoruiyi674Wed Jan 15 2025

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task achievement

Try using real-world examples or studies to support your points. It's great that you've referred to research, but providing specific studies or examples would strengthen your argument.

task achievement

Ensure consistency in your arguments. While the cognitive benefits of music are interesting, directly linking them to how music brings people together could be more explicit.

coherence cohesion

Maintain consistent use of terms like 'music' instead of alternating between 'music' and 'musics', which can confuse the reader slightly.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear overview and a solid summary of your main points.

logical structure

You have logically divided your essay into distinct paragraphs, helping readers follow your argument

supported main points

The use of rhythms as a universal storytelling medium is a valid and insightful point.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

320 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Your opinion

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communication has a negative effect on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

In many cities, there is little control on the design and construction of new houses. Some people think that people can choose to build houses in their own styles instead of building them with the same style as the old house style in local areas. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Many graduates want to start their first job in a big corporation. Many others prefer to work for a small company first. What are the different advantages in each decision?