IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#communications #medicine #transport #systems #depend #computer #technology #reliance #fields #situation
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These days reliance
of
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on
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 digital technology is significant in our
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
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Use synonyms
life style
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lifestyle
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,
such
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 as transit, healthcare, education and telecommunity;
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 connectivity with these fields brings disaster in
this
Linking Words
 world. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will outline why I
belive
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believe
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 that
incorporate
Wrong verb form
incorporating
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with
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apply
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digital technology in these sectors
are
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is
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 highly
benificatial
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beneficial
 to mankind. First and foremost,
Correct article usage
the collabloration
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collabloration
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collaboration
 of technology with communication has brought
enourmous
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enormous
 development in
todays
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today's
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 digital era. Various
platform
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platforms
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 like Social Media, Online TV channels, and Video
conferrencing
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conferencing
 software bring people together to create interpersonal
bond
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bonds
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 with each other.
For instance
Linking Words
, we can talk to our loved ones or
able
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be able
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 to attend
intenational bussiness
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international business
meeting
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meetings
show examples
 from any corner of the world by use of smart gadgets like Mobile
phone
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phones
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 and
Computer
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computers
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 fosters connection and
also
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decrease
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decreases
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 expenditure by travelling less overseas.
Furthermore
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, artificial
inteligence
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intelligence
 stood a strong standpoint in transportation
as
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than
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never
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ever
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 before. Collaboration of these has brought jawbreaking
benefites
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benefits
 in
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 fast space world. Features like Anticollidation, Highway Cruise mode and Adaptive lane mode which were
introducted
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introduced
 in
vehical
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vehicles
 make more safer and secure for a human
life
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, who is driving in
a stress
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stressful
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condition
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conditions
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due to
Linking Words
 work
life
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, recently in
automobile
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an automobile
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 expo a fully
automonus
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autonomous
 car was launched, where a driver
have
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has
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 to just seat and prompt location in
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the cars's
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cars's
Fix the agreement mistake
car's
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 screen, it will automatical drive to your designated place by using integrated AI. In conclusion,
Correct article usage
the integaration
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integaration
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integration
 of
computer
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computers
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 in these sectors always brings numerous advantages. It
enhance
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enhances
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 engagement, safety, and creativity in
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
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life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Richard on

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coherence cohesion
Try to work on improving the clarity of your ideas. Ensure that each paragraph addresses one main idea clearly.
task achievement
Carefully proofread your work for grammatical accuracy and fluency. Use spell-check tools if necessary, as there are several typos in the essay.
task achievement
Consider adding a counter-argument or discussing potential risks to create a more balanced view and enhance task achievement.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples in each paragraph, which helps to illustrate the points made.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • reliance
  • cybersecurity
  • over-reliance
  • digital divide
  • data breach
  • cyberbullying
  • diagnostic machines
  • electronic health records
  • automated vehicles
  • predictive maintenance
  • real-time monitoring
  • vulnerability
  • misinformation
  • hacking
  • efficiency
  • navigation systems
  • traditional skills
  • system failures
What to do next:
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