The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The diagram below describes the relationship between
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
in a 4-years
age
Use synonyms
difference in different countries during 3
dacedes
Correct your spelling
decades
.
overall
Linking Words
, it shows that working
men
Use synonyms
rates had decreased over the years in the selected countries.
Whereas
Linking Words
the working
women
Use synonyms
rates
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
less fluctuating
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
the years. in
australia
Change the capitalization
Australia
show examples
, elder working
men
Use synonyms
between the
age
Use synonyms
of 60 to 64 had massively decreased from 74% to 47%. Where
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
in the same country and
age
Use synonyms
group had increased by 1% from 18% to 19%. the same goes for
belgium
Change the capitalization
Belgium
show examples
where the mentioned
age
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
group massively decreased by more than
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
third.
Whereas
Linking Words
for
women
Use synonyms
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
decreased by 1%. of all
men
Use synonyms
in
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
show examples
, 76% were working in the year 2000
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
to 84% in the year 1970.
as
Capitalize word
As
show examples
Use synonyms
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
percentage remained the
almsot
Correct your spelling
almost
the same change from 40% to 43% respectively. In the USA, employment has
slighty
Correct your spelling
slightly
decreased from 73% in 1970 to 55% in 2000, where is has a slight increase in
Use synonyms
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
numbers as it was 36% over 38%
respectivley
Correct your spelling
respectively
.
Submitted by mohdalmawri on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, men, women with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment rate
  • Percentage
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Fluctuation
  • Gender disparity
  • Trend
  • Decline
  • Improvement
  • Variation
  • Noteworthy
  • Aligned
  • Comparative analysis
What to do next:
Look at other essays: