IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activities of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#emphasis #education #government #money #time #activities #people
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There is no denying the fact
that
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is
Correct pronoun usage
there is
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 an ongoing debate over the allocation of government funding to different facilities, with a particular focus on the science of young
people
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. Some argue that too much emphasis is placed on early
education
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, and that funds should be
creat
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created
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 towards entertainment
activities
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.
However
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, I believe that more government fee
reqier
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required
require
 to
invested
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be invested
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 in early
education
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, as it plays a crucial role in shaping the foundational
skills
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 of
children
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. One significant reason for prioritizing early
education
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 is that
children
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 are more capable of learning and developing essential
skills
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 during their early years. Research shows that a person’s mental capacity to acquire knowledge and social
skills
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 is heightened during childhood, making it easier to
instill
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instil
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 good habits and emotional intelligence early on.
For instance
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, without a powerful educational foundation in the early years,
children
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 may struggle to
increas
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increase
a necessary academic
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necessary academic skills
a necessary academic skill
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skills
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 later in life
such
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 as physics,
chemistry
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and chemistry
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 studies.
Therefore
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, investing in
education
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 at
this
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 critical stage is key to setting young
people
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 on the path to
successful
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a successful
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 future.
In addition
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, early
education
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 helps foster social
skills
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 and emotional regulation, which are necessary for forming positive relationships.
For example
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,
children
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 who engage in early learning experiences are more likely to develop good communication
skills
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 and emotional stability. Scientific research has shown that early
education
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 plays a significant role in helping
children
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 control their emotions and better interact with others. As these foundational abilities are honed,
children
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 are
also
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 better prepared to excel in their academic pursuits.
Although
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 free-time
activities
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such
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 as sports and arts are valuable for young
people
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, they cannot replace the importance of early
education
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. Free-time
activities
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 certainly contribute to well-rounded development, but without a solid educational background, these
activities
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 may not have the same long-term impact. Governments should
therefore
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 prioritize funding for early
education
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 to ensure that
children
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 have the right tools for both personal and academic growth. In conclusion,
while
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 free-time
activities
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 are important, I firmly believe that the government should allocate more resources towards early
education
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. By investing in
education
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 during the critical years of childhood, we lay the foundation for the development of essential
skills
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 that will benefit young
people
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 throughout their lives.
Submitted by hassan.alhayek11 on

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