IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays children watch lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #tv #video #games #people #activities #child’s #health
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In today’s world,
children
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 spend lots of time
by
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apply
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watching
TV
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 and playing
video
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games
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. Some people believe that these activities have a negative impact on a child’s mental health.
While
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 there may be some truth to
this
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 opinion, I believe the situation is more complicated and depends on how much time
children
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 spend on these activities and the content they are exposed to. On the one hand, playing
games
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 or watching television
programs
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 can sometimes be
a
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apply
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interesting stuff that
children
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 are not able to keep themselves away from that.
According to
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 the University of Oxford, 70 per cent of
young
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the young
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 population are addicted to playing
video
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games
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 and something.
For example
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,
while
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 kids
watching
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watch
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 some
programs
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 and
doing
Wrong verb form
do
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 other
stuffs
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stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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, they are facing entertainment
contents
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content
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 or
wanting
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want
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 to play more and more
games
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.
As a result
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,
children
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 are suffering from
the
Correct article usage
a
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 lack of exercise and poor posture, which can affect their physical health and can be caused by obesity
as well as
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 back pain.
On the other hand
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, it is essential to note that not all
TV
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 shows and
video
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games
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 are harmful. Educational
programs
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 and
games
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 may actually support
children
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’s development and growth.
For instance
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, certain
video
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games
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 enhance problem-solving skills
as well as
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 some
TV
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programs
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 can teach youngers about science, history, or important values. If
children
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,
therefore
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, use these methods and strategies in moderation and choose content wisely, these experiences can be beneficial for their future. In conclusion,
while
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 watching
TV
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 and playing
video
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games
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 might have negative effects on
children
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’s mental and physical health if done excessively, it is not inherently harmful that much as long as selecting appropriate content that can support a child’s development. Parents should help
children
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 manage their screen time and ensure that they have a balance of activities.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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task achievement
Try to enhance your range of vocabulary and grammatical structures to add variety and precision to your essay. This can help in fully articulating more nuanced points. A wider vocabulary can also help avoid repetition of words and phrases, making your writing more engaging.
task achievement
Ensure all examples are highly relevant to the point you are making, and if possible, provide more specific data or evidence. This will make your arguments more persuasive and impactful.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the coherence of your essay by linking ideas and paragraphs with more varied and effective transition phrases. This can make the reader’s experience smoother and more intuitive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames your argument.
task achievement
You aptly differentiate between the potential negative and positive impacts of TV and video games on children, offering a balanced view that is essential for a higher score.
task achievement
The essay successfully addresses the prompt and discusses the complexity of the issue, indicating a comprehensive understanding.
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