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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for children to learn the difference beetween right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn thi distinction. To what extent dou you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

#children #difference #beetween #right #age #punishment #thi #distinction #dou #sort #parents #teachers #behaviour
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One
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 of the most crucial parenting rules is to teach
children
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 the good and bad
since
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from
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 their early childhood. It is argued that they should be punished in order to learn
this
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. I agree that punishment should be used in accordance
to
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with
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child's
Correct article usage
the child's
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 age. There are several benefits
for
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to
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 using punishments if
children
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 do something wrong. The first
one
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 is that they will learn that if
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
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do
Verb problem
make
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 a mistake there will be
a
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apply
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consequences for it and they have to tackle it.
This
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 will teach them the importance of thinking before making any decision.
Moreover
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, They will be respectful and nice when they interact with anyone else.
In contrast
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, there are some disadvantages
for
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to
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 over-punishment,
for instance
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, those
children
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 will have lower self-esteem. They will have so much fear of trying new things or even engaging with other people.
Also
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,
this
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 might cause serious
phycological
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psychological
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 issues that will
effect
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affect
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 them
on
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in
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 the
long-term
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long term
show examples
. Despite all these
drawbacks
Add a comma
drawbacks,
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 I believe that using
the
Correct article usage
apply
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effective methods of punishment will lead to
graet
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great
 results.
One
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 of these methods is preventing
children
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 from doing an
acivity
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activity
 that they love. Another thing is to make them do a good deed for every wrong thing they do. They can be
also
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 suspended from school or they can spend some solo time
to think
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thinking
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 about what they did. In conclusion, teaching
children
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 what is right or wrong is
one
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 of the most challenging parenthood tasks.
However
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, if the
appropiate
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appropriate
 methods were used, it can help them to be better people in the future and to learn from their own mistakes.
Submitted by ssaalahmari on

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task achievement
Ensure all main points are fully elaborated with examples or explanations to clarify your ideas.
task achievement
Improve the clarity and depth of your arguments to better convey your perspectives.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to illustrate your points and make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by ensuring that each paragraph connects well to the next, using linking words or phrases.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses the task, presenting an opinion and discussing both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The organization of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
There’s a good attempt to use different methods of punishment as examples, which adds depth to the essay.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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