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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think international events such as the Olympic Games are important and can bring nations together. Others, however, think that they are a waste of money as the money could be spent elsewhere on more important issues. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #events #olympic #games #nations #waste #money
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A few
people
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 believe that international events
such
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 as the
Olympic
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Games
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 are essential and can bring
nations
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 together.
On the other hand
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, some think that they are a waste of
money
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 and they could be spent on more important issues like
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 protection and development. From my point of view,
Olympic
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Games
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plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
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 a significant role in uniting
nations
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 and
people
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 together.
Moreover
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, it encourages
sports
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 and physical activity because
,
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apply
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 in modern days sedentary activities predispose most
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
diseases and affect
quality
Add an article
the quality
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 of
living
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life
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. At the same time, others
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that funding
on
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for
show examples
 education, infrastructure development and pollution control can benefit the nation more than
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Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
Games
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both perspectives and give my opinion. At
first,
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The
Olympic
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Games
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are
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were
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 started for entertainment purposes but slowly
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 turned into political
by
Correct pronoun usage
ones by
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 promoting
sports
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 and uniting
nations
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 in the name of sport. Even though the
Olympic
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Games
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 spend
lot
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a lot
show examples
 of
money
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, it is crucial to develop connections between
nations
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 and
people
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.
In addition
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 to that, we can even prevent
the
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apply
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wars by conducting these
games
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 and redirecting
concentration
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the concentration
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 of the
people
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.
In addition
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,
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Sports
Correct article usage
the Sports
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 industry is an important
revenge
Correct your spelling
revenue
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 generator
as well as
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 it improves well being of the citizens.
For example
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,
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Sports
Correct article usage
the Sports
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 sector
contribute
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contributes
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in
Change preposition
to
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 increasing
country's
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the country's
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 economy by selling
sports
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 gear, protective
equipments
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equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 and
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sports wear
Correct your spelling
sportswear
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.
In contrast
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, others
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that the government should spend the
money
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 more productively.
For instance
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, Underdeveloped and developing countries should use the
money
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 for free education and healthcare of the individuals. By doing so,
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of life is improved even
it
Correct word choice
if it
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 can foster a way for
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 development. A recent study states that
,
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apply
show examples
 every year 2 million dollars are spent on
Olympic
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Game
Fix the agreement mistake
Games
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 preparation which can even eradicate hunger in countries like
somaliya
Correct your spelling
Somalia
. In conclusion, even though
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Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
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Games
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offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
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 many benefits like uniting nation leaders and promoting
Correct article usage
a healthly
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healthly
Correct your spelling
healthy
 lifestyle through
sports
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, funds should be spent in moderation. By doing so, other important issues
such
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 as overpopulation, unemployment and global warming can be tackled.
Submitted by ksanthosh701 on

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task achievement
Clarify the distinction between differing viewpoints in the introduction and when presenting each perspective. Try to give a more balanced representation of the contrasting views.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly supports a specific point and that ideas progress logically from one to the next. Make transitions between paragraphs smoother.
task achievement
The essay introduces both perspectives on the topic and concludes with a personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
The writer attempts to integrate examples and evidence to support arguments.
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