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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph shows children by age group as a percentage of the young population in the United Kingdom between 1990 and 2001. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows children by age group as a percentage of the young population in the United Kingdom between 1990 and 2001. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#children #age #group #percentage #population #kingdom #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line graph gives data on the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 with
respects
Fix the agreement mistake
respect
show examples
 to the total young population in the
UK
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 between 1990 and 2001. The
proportion
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 of
children
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
categories
Replace the word
categorised
show examples
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 four age groups.
Overall
Linking Words
, the ratio of infants, between 0 to 4
years
Use synonyms
 old, declined over the period
while
Linking Words
10
Correct article usage
the 10
show examples
 to 14
years
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 youngsters’ percentage increased in the
UK
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. As can be seen in the diagram, just over a quarter of the
UK
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children
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was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 15 to 19
years
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 old in 1990
while
Linking Words
 a similar
proportion
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 was 0 to 4
years
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 old at that time. Just over 24% of young
British
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 were between 5 to 9
years
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 old
while
Linking Words
 23% of them were 10 to 14
years
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 old. With an increase from 1990 to 1992, the
proportion
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 of infants kept on decreasing and in 2001 accounted for over 23% of total youth. With a steady slump till 1996, 15-19
years
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 old constituted a quarter of young
British
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 in 2001. Moving
further
Linking Words
,
10
Change preposition
for 10
show examples
-14
years
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British
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 dominated the young generation in the
UK
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 with a steady increase in their percentage in later
years
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 despite their
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
proportion
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 in early
years
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.
Finally
Linking Words
, 5-9
years
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British
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children
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 were over 26% during 1995-1997 but their ratio declined and
finally
Linking Words
 stood at just over 25% in 2001.
Submitted by taliyarifat on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, children, uk, years, british with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 3 times.
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