IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activities in many countries for young adults. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Above all
Linking Words
, shopping is a way for
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 generation to take a breath from their packed schedule and working mode, which allows them to chat with
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 friends or stay alone to keep
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 distance from
social
Replace the word
socialising
show examples
 with others. Younger people who
were
Verb problem
have
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 just
step
Wrong verb form
stepped
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 into
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society may not that
famaliar
Correct your spelling
familiar
 with the interaction in their
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 and experienced with
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 work. Going out
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shopping to get some fresh air and shift
the
Change the word
their
show examples
attentions
Fix the agreement mistake
attention
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 is
benifit
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for their mental health. Another reason is that spending money is a way some
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
utilised
Wrong verb form
utilise
show examples
 for pressure release. There
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 limited ways for people to relax and put down
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 heavy
burdon
Correct your spelling
burden
show examples
 that they are urgent to find the method. It may
also
Linking Words
 explain the reason why
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online shopping is more and more popular
recent
Change preposition
in recent
show examples
 days. Seeing them finding
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own way of
relaxtion
Correct your spelling
relaxation
 is a pleasure that it promotes the
deveopment
Correct your spelling
development
 of
online
Correct article usage
the online
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shoping
Correct your spelling
shopping
 industry at the same time. Especially for the economic situation of
Add an article
the post-pandamic
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post-pandamic
Correct your spelling
post-pandemic
 environment, it assists with the recovery of the economy globally.
However
Linking Words
, the over cost of money on shopping may cause some negative influence on
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own that the trend of consuming is not that help with sustainable
devlopment
Correct your spelling
development
.
Younger
Add an article
The younger
show examples
 generation
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 supposed to explore more activities to do in
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 leisure time like going hiking or playing video games to make their life
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
coloful
Correct your spelling
colourful
 and
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
.

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task achievement
Try to introduce a clear thesis statement in the introduction to outline your position on whether the development is positive or negative.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to illustrate your points, which will make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear conclusion summarizing the main points and giving your final view.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more clearly by using paragraphs that each focus on a single point.
task achievement
The essay recognizes multiple reasons why shopping is popular among young adults, like stress relief and the opportunity to socialize or find solitude.
task achievement
There is a good attempt to discuss both the positive and negative sides of this trend, acknowledging its economic benefits and potential personal drawbacks.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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