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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows in percentage terms of pattern terms the changing of domestic access to modern technology in homes in Uk

The graph shows in percentage terms of pattern terms the changing of domestic access to modern technology in homes in Uk
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Given line
graph
Use synonyms
 illustrates the proportion of changing
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 local access to modern
technology
Use synonyms
 in living areas in the United Kingdom. As can be seen from the
graph
Use synonyms
,
pattern
Add an article
the pattern
a pattern
show examples
 for all modern
technology
Use synonyms
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 was upward during given time from 1996 to 2003. Beginning of the timeline,
CD
Add an article
the CD
show examples
 player was the most popular
technology
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
UK homes and it
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintained
show examples
 its popularity till
end
Add an article
the end
show examples
 of the
graph
Use synonyms
. Beginning at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
60% CD
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 showed about 20% growth during
this
Linking Words
 period.
Second
Correct article usage
The second
show examples
 most popular
technology
Use synonyms
 was home computers which started at about 30% and it reached well below
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
60%. In 1996, the least popular mobile phone depicted a rocket-like growth from just under 20% to roughly 70%.
Although
Linking Words
 Internet access
did
Verb problem
was
show examples
 not
invent
Wrong verb form
invented
show examples
 in the 1996-97 period,
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 invention people showed huge interest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
 and it reached at well considerably more than 40%
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the
graph
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, technology with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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