The two pie charts give information on the propotion of males and females in employment in six general categories in 1992, they divided into manual and non-manual

The two pie charts give information on the propotion of males and females in employment in six general categories in 1992, they divided into manual and non-manual
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The given pie charts illustrate the
proportion
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of men and women in employment in six general sections in 1992.
Overall
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, the managerial and professional accounted for a large
percentage
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in both genders.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
percentage
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of general labourers was the lowest
proportion
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for both sexes. Looking at the charts in more detail, the
proportion
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of managerial and professional in females and males was observed at 29% and 36%.
In addition
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, other manuals ranked second in both genders.
While
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clerical or related accounted for the largest
percentage
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at 31% in females, the
percentage
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of clerical or related in males was 6%.
In contrast
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, the
proportion
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of craft or similar in men accounted for 24%,
while
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the
percentage
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of craft or similar in women was observed at 3%. Meanwhile, the figures for the remaining sections
such
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as general labourers and other non-manual were small segments. To summarize, regardless of gender, most people preferred managerial and professional.
Whereas
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most employees didn’t want general labourers.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast, while".
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, percentage with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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