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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary school types between 2000 and 2009 Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary school types between 2000 and 2009 Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#proportions #pupils #four #school #information #features #comparisons
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The given table describes the percentage of students participating
Use synonyms
four
Change preposition
in four
show examples
 kinds of secondary
school
Use synonyms
 for a period of nine
years
Use synonyms
.
In
Correct your spelling
An
show examples
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, the
four
Use synonyms
 types of secondary
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 were Specialist Schools, Grammar, Voluntary
controlled
Capitalize word
Controlled
show examples
 and Community
schools
Capitalize word
Schools
show examples
. From 2000 to 2009, the amount of
school
Use synonyms
childs
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 went to the fourth type sky-rocketed amazingly. Meanwhile, the attendance of students from
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 three
school
Use synonyms
 types considerably plunged. Looking at the
further
Linking Words
 details, there was a
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
 decrease of 1% in attending Specialist schools from 2000 to 2005,
then
Linking Words
 continued
fell
Change the verb form
to fall
show examples
 by 1% in 2009. Grammar was similar
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 experienced a decline significantly of 12% within nine
years
Use synonyms
. The third kind of
school
Use synonyms
 dropped dramatically their educatee's participation by 32% which was 14% for the first period of five
years
Use synonyms
, and in the next
four
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
 the percentage dove steadily
18
Change preposition
to 18
show examples
%.
Whereaa
Correct your spelling
Whereas
 all three
school
Use synonyms
 types went down their student attendance, Community was the only one
had
Correct pronoun usage
that had
show examples
 a boom sharply by 46%. There was a noticeable increase of 20% in 2005 and rose
moderatelyby
Correct your spelling
moderately by
moderately
 26% in the
last
Linking Words
four
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words four, school, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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