IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some countries, people who commit less serious crimes are made to undertake community service instead of a prison sentence. Some people believe that all people who have committed a crime should be sent to prison. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #crimes #community #service #prison #sentence #crime
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In
this
Linking Words
 present
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 is on the rise,
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
 prison departaments
took
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 responsibility for
Correct article usage
the cummunity
show examples
cummunity
Correct your spelling
community
 of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
however
Linking Words
, many people including me believe that,
who ever
Correct your spelling
whoever
show examples
commit
Correct subject-verb agreement
commits
show examples
Use synonyms
crime
Correct article usage
a crime
show examples
 should go to prison and pay for the service.
To begin
Linking Words
, a lot of wealthy criminals
reoffend
Correct your spelling
re-offend
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 even after they have
released
Add a missing verb
been released
show examples
for instance
Linking Words
, they believe that, they won't be caught next time
also
Linking Words
they thought
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 that, they
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be released by paying
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the government. Police officers should be seen as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community individuals wheares it would help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people feel
responsibility
Replace the word
responsible
show examples
under
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their shoulders
furthermore
Linking Words
,
death
Add an article
the death
show examples
 penalty should be seen as a punishment because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it shows
crime
Use synonyms
 is not
forgivable
Correct article usage
a forgivable
show examples
 action.
Secondly
Linking Words
, prison isn't
that
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 bad place
for example
Linking Words
, there is special time allocated for the criminals to learn knowledge and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life lessons which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 useful for them
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
later. Many criminals make friends with other prisoners, they learn new things from each other as
matter
Correct article usage
a matter
show examples
 of fact, sharing their own regret for what they have done and teaching each other new jobs to do after they went out
instead
Linking Words
 of recommitting again.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
death
Add an article
the death
show examples
 penalty may stop people
to make
Change preposition
from making
show examples
 mistakes but I believe it would
better
Add a missing verb
be better
show examples
 if the government
take
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 control of that in that case, creating
timeline
Add an article
a timeline
show examples
 for each
crime
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
would solve
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 crimes.
Submitted by xalilovamirxon6 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through your main points.
Task Achievement
Provide more relevant and concrete examples to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your ideas are logically connected and flow smoothly from one to the next.
Task Achievement
Clarify your stance on the issue and ensure it is consistently maintained throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
You provided both sides of the argument, illustrating a balanced perspective.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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