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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to s3x and age. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below

The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to s3x and age. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below
The image indicates the proportion of the usage for some
kind
Use synonyms
 of
music
Use synonyms
 (
Pop
Use synonyms
, Rock and Classical)
consider
Wrong verb form
considered
show examples
 in gender and group ages in Britain. In general, males
are dominating
Wrong verb form
dominate
show examples
 hearing all
Use synonyms
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
Use synonyms
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
 females, and based on the age groups,
Pop
Use synonyms
 and Rock
music
Use synonyms
most
Add a missing verb
is most
show examples
 likely for
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 and
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 age groups,
while
Linking Words
 classical
music
Use synonyms
most
Add a missing verb
is most
show examples
 popular
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 and elderly
people
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 hearing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Pop
Use synonyms
Music
Use synonyms
 was
dominating
Change the form of the verb
dominated
show examples
 by male
people
Use synonyms
, who
has
Verb problem
are
show examples
 about 8 % higher than females. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand,
this
Linking Words
kind
Use synonyms
 of
music
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 is
choosen
Correct your spelling
chosen
 by
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 and
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 which
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 about 30 % in each
categorized
Replace the word
category
show examples
.
Then
Linking Words
, elderly
people
Use synonyms
 and
olderly
Correct your spelling
elderly
older
 age groups
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 lower percentages
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
about 25 % and 10 % respectively.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Male
people
Use synonyms
more
Add a missing verb
were more
show examples
 likely
heard
Change the verb form
to hear
show examples
kind
Use synonyms
 of rock
music
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
just over 25 %.
Like the
Change preposition
The
show examples
pop
Use synonyms
music
Use synonyms
, which
about
Add a missing verb
is about
show examples
 10 higher than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the gap between
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in hearing classical
music
Use synonyms
 did not have any differential. It is only about
2
Correct article usage
a 2
show examples
% deviation, which
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
 sex group still
dominating in
Wrong verb form
dominates
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words kind, music, pop, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph representation
  • categorized
  • predominant
  • disparities
  • similarities
  • age-related preferences
  • noticeable trends
  • age brackets
  • wider appeal
  • demographics
  • speculate
  • resurgence
  • vinyl records
  • digital streaming
  • music genres
  • albums purchases
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