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Writing Samples
Band 5

The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major cities with the date they opened, kilometers of route, and passenger numbers per year in millions. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major cities with the date they opened, kilometers of route, and passenger numbers per year in millions. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The data presents information about underground
railways
Fix the agreement mistake
railway
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 design in six big cities, detailing the
year
Use synonyms
 they opened,
route
Use synonyms
 length, and number of
passengers
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
. In general, it can be clearly seen that London was the first underground which was constructed with the longest
route
Use synonyms
 from the whole data.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the shortest
route
Use synonyms
 is Kyoto and has the fewest tourists. The data is divided into 2 groups which are above 150 kilometres and under 150 kilometres
route
Use synonyms
 groups.
Firstly
Linking Words
, London’s underground railway infrastructure was the oldest one and the longest at 394 km.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the city with the next longest
route
Use synonyms
 is Paris, which was built in the 1900s with
total
Correct article usage
a total
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passengers
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
of
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 1,191 million. Interestingly, the underground constructed in 1927 in Tokyo has the highest number of
passengers
Use synonyms
 at all times.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the shortest
route
Use synonyms
, Kyoto, was built in 1981 and has the fewest
passengers
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
 at 45.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Los Angeles
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
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 the most recent underground system with a number of commuters of around 50
millions
Change to singular
million
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 per
year
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, Washington DC which was established in 1976 with a total length of 126 km has 50
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 annual
passengers
Use synonyms
.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, route, passengers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • underground railways
  • kilometers of route
  • passenger numbers
  • annually
  • compare and contrast
  • mega-cities
  • public transportation infrastructure
  • extensive network
  • rapid transit
  • capacity
  • commuter volume
  • inauguration date
  • modernization
  • vintage
  • urban development
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