IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Most people believe money is a very important consideration when chosing a job as it can help you get a better lifestyle; however, there are some believe it is more important to have a job you enjoy and that this, and not money, will lead to greater happiness and a more balanced personal life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The majority of
world
Add an article
the world
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think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
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 that the money is
first
Add an article
a first
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 important thing
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
when
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 they
chosing
Correct your spelling
choosing
chose
 a job to improve the way of their life, and there are some people
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
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 that the first choice is what you love in
this
Linking Words
 job to hit two birds
in
Change preposition
with
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 one stone
while
Linking Words
 you
workin
Correct your spelling
workin'
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 you like what you and you will be happy and
also
Linking Words
 earning
salary
Add an article
a salary
show examples
 for it. actually, I agree with the people
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happiness is the first choice to take a job because when you satisfied with what you do you will be do
somthing
Correct your spelling
something
 great in your place of work.

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coherence cohesion
Try to develop a clearer structure by clearly distinguishing between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This will help in guiding the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Support your main points with examples or evidence to provide a more robust backing to your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a conclusion summarizing your points. Consider adding a concluding paragraph to provide closure. This helps to reinforce your position on the topic.
task achievement
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance clarity and comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents the two different perspectives on the topic.
task achievement
You clearly express your personal opinion on the matter, which is important for task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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