The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020.

IELTS Writing Task Chart for The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020.
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The bar chart compares the proportion of
workforce
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in Canada in five different industries between 1850 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the services had the largest number of
workforce
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in both years,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the energy and water had the smallest number throughout the period.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, manufacturing had the highest contribution to
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

workforce
Add an article
the workforce

The noun phrase workforce seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
in 1850 (36%),
whereas
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

energy and water had the lowest percentage of
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
workforce
Add an article
the workforce

The noun phrase workforce seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
in 1850 (3%). The services stood second with 33% and had the lowest proportion in 1850. Agriculture and fishing were higher than construction, with the former standing at 22% in 1850.
Finally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, manufacturing, agriculture and fishing, and energy and water had a decline to approximately 10%, 1% and 1%
at the end
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of the period.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the services soared significantly to just over 81% in 2020 and
furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the construction had a small rise from 5% to 8%
at the end
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of the year.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
Vocabulary: Replace the words workforce with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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